MITs and simple pleasures

 lemon-blueberry-cake

soaps

gardening

It is rather difficult to work from home when the weather is as good as it has been for the past week. In fact, I cannot remember the last time it rained, and this is the west of Ireland. I keep making excuses to get up and do something that involves fresh air and sunshine (such as finally peeling off the foil on the new door frames, which clearly states "Remove immediately after installation"... oops.).

In an attempt to tick off at least some of the items on my to-do list, I have dug out one of those productivity tips I had stored away in a corner of my brain, which is to set the three most important tasks (MITs) of the day first thing in the morning. While I always have a million things I ought to do swirling around in my head, determining and writing these three down - and, crucially, thinking of them as 'most important' - helps me to focus. I have two sets of threes, one for work (both the Uni work and my freelance work) and one for everything else (these days, at least two of that second set are house- or garden-related, and the other one tends to be something to do with correspondence or organising, for example meal planning or scheduling things). It is so simple and works so much better than my overfilled and overwhelming diary (which I still keep, but I now try not to stuff sheets of paper covered with more scribbles into it).

I know I always go on about aromatherapy, but there is such a strong link between smells and wellbeing, and, perhaps accentuated by the sun, I am noticing them much more, and 'stop to smell the roses' throughout the day. The soaps pictured above were housewarming gifts, including a cinnamon soap from Germany, and they smell and look amazing.

We had friends over for lunch on Friday and Sunday, and I ended up making the same cake twice. I used to make this lemon-blueberry cake a lot a few years ago, but this time I made it with coconut sugar, which gives it a darker, more wholesome appearance (even if the health benefits over white sugar may not be that considerable). I love using citrus peel in baking and cooking (grating lime peel onto stir fries is a favourite).

 The garden is bursting with activity. You can watch things grow; the neighbours' dogs and cats visit; and we have added a bird bath (another gift) to the bird feeder - a safe distance from the cats' reach. I spent a good chunk of my work-from-home Friday weeding, which has got to be one of the most therapeutic tasks there are. The specks of orange in the photo above are calendula, which is not a weed, but we have tons of it (I need to ask my mom for her recipe for calendula balm), and a couple fell victim to John's polytunnel tidy-up.

Cake for calm

 

I would like to think that when I am quiet here it means life is just so full there is no time to document it, but the opposite is true: I find that when things are good, I have more energy and can do all the living and creating and blog about it all, and there is a nice flow to it. The more you do, the more you do.

At the moment I am so stressed about money, health, work, deadlines, problems with the car and the house that I haven't had the headspace for much else, apart from certain commissions and some passive planning and researching (i.e. listening to podcasts - this is a treasure trove for creative people). As a result of being stressed my energy levels dip even lower than usual, and I neglect my relationships with others and cancel or avoid social situations, which stresses me out more because I feel I cannot function and that I am a terrible friend/partner/daughter/sister/... I just about manage to pour energy into my relationship, but almost every other area of my life seems to be suffering.  And so goes the vicious cycle.

People close to me would point out that I have a tendency to catastrophise, and I am aware that in the grand scheme of things, my current situation is trivial, and I certainly don't want to turn into a hypochondriac, analysing each physical complaint when most likely the majority of my health issues are psychosomatic. But I am just so aches-and-pains-cannot-face-the-world tired.

As usual I am not doing an awful lot of the things that I know would make it all better (I am still convinced I would be a much better person if I meditated every day...), though I did get a run in this morning - as part of my attempt to make my working-from-home days more productive, I am implementing little tricks such as pretend-commutes, and it does help to get the exercise and fresh air and sunshine first thing. But somehow my 35-min jog (and some yoga) ended up taking up most of my morning, or so it seemed.

Our exhibition in August is suddenly panic-inducingly close, and I still can't get myself to work towards it.

Sometimes I try to have more compassion towards myself and remind myself that all the work stuff doesn't matter that much at the end of the day, and that I place too much value on doing, but the fact is that my sense of self is inextricably linked to my work as an artist and illustrator, and it is important to me. And that exhibition is a real deadline, one of many. And I love what I do and made this choice. And of course while I am working on something, I am in the zone and that begets energy.

So I am rereading Art and Fear, though I already know the reasons I am stuck.

And I am adding more of the things that help me calm my mind and feel energised (see photos):

|  I made another cake from this book - this one has butternut squash in it, and I used coconut sugar instead of caster sugar. It is so good.

|  Fresh flowers and finishing illustrations.

|  Being with dogs and cats and babies.

From the West of Ireland to Wertheim

Work-in-progress in this case meant sitting-on-the-easel-untouched-for-months, a silent reproach every time I entered my studio/spare room, a reminder that I was most definitely not "getting my stuff done"(I just watched this again... my life in a nutshell). But now it is finished, I think. And it made me nostalgic for my hometown, especially when I put the lights into the windows of the houses.

This painting is for my older sister and my brother-in-law, and a recent development means that I may unwittingly have painted the new home of my younger sister and her husband. Not the castle... somewhere beside the church. Or maybe it is just beyond the frame; I haven't asked her yet (Sibylle?). But in any case, this is soon to be their neighbourhood. So this painting is linking the three sisters in an unexpected way.

As much as I love working on the illustration projects that are more active works-in-progress, I need to make space for my own personal art-making. The last two Sundays enabled me to do that, and it's the best start to my week. The Daily Drawings shall return (my discipline for turning up here has been woefully inadequate, but there is a lot of behind-the-scenes housekeeping going on).

November can be desperately bleak, but so far it has been kind, with blue-sky mornings when I walk down to work from the Park-and-Ride and pink clouds above my house. I have finally got into the mood of the season - until last week I was still in May in my head.

Last night I resisted the urge to go to bed early - my default in the colder months - and watched a Spanish movie (another neglected thing on my list: keeping my Spanish alive) while knitting a scarf. This made me nostalgic for Spain, where I lived in 2004-05 (where did those ten years go?). So all in all it has been a week of sentimental thoughts and the resolve to be better at keeping in touch with loved ones.

In my stride

 My default state of mind currently seems to be bursting with an enthusiasm that is suppressed by a body that refuses to collaborate. At the moment running is out of the question because my knee is still giving me trouble (though it doesn't hurt when actually running or walking; but it does feel worse afterwards, so it cannot be good), and I am battling a chest infection that sees me in bed most of my free time. I would love to make my bed an island on which to read, write and draw, but it is not happening - I manage to read a few pages before falling asleep.*

My mind, however, is very active in my waking hours, planning and sorting and dreaming and anticipating. Somewhat paradoxically, I am also doing my best to be in the moment, but that can be difficult, especially when what I would like to do in the moment is not possible, though of course I realise that being in the moment entails accepting what is.

Despite the need for a hot water bottle and/or flannel sheet in bed, Spring is on its way. I am certain of this because I want to eat raw vegetables on their own, something that seemed wrong until very recently. I have been using jasmine oil on my face (with jojoba as a base oil) and drink at least a litre of jasmine tea every day, and it puts me in a happy mood. I object to jasmine routinely being described as a "corpse" smell, though I get the sweetness link, but I find the thought a bit disturbing.

* [for Spanish speakers]: I am reading the quirkily brilliant book Artistas insólitos by Daniel Monedero, given to me by my friend Pilar, who recommended and subsequently invited Daniel for our festival - he gave a hilarious presentation on some of the books he has published in collaboration with amazing illustrators. Here is a little animation about Artistas insólitos.

 ---------------

Thank you for your lovely comments and e-mails over the last few days. I am behind on the e-mail (as usual... Funnily enough I have been procrastinating on ordering this book on procrastination - I like to think that as soon as I own a copy - I have read it -, I will be a procrastinator no longer), but I will reply soon!

Patterns

Repetitive patterns are calming to an over-anxious mind:

 

|  I chose this Noa Noa dress (a present from my mom) partly because of the print - dots in wobbly squares with rounded corners are very satisfying. I can stare at this print for a disproportionate amount of time - it is a type of meditation.

 

|  I have been making more crochet cuffs and knitting socks.

|  Tempting liquid blue in Ballyvaughan.


On a different note, today I am procrastinating by reading a book about procrastination that a friend lent me. I am only a few pages in, but it is interesting what Fiore has to say about the role anxiety, self-criticism, fear of failure/success and guilt play in the context of procrastination. We need compassion for who and where we are now to overcome the underlying causes of procrastination. I always knew that I procrastinate because I feel I am not good enough, so why even bother starting something, etc. And I can see that while putting things off leads to anxiety, the reverse is also true, so it is important to tackle the anxiety. Fiore is adamant that laziness and disorganisation are not the reasons people procrastinate, which is worth reminding yourself of.

Working from home and what works for me

Children's novelist Katherine Rundell said that she ties herself to her chair with shoelaces and forces herself to meet deadlines by writing 1,000 pound cheques to the BNP, which she gives to a friend with the instruction to mail the cheque if she hasn't written her book by a certain date.

I wouldn't go to such extreme lengths when it comes to self-discipline, but sometimes I think I might have to.

At the moment I have various projects to work on outside my paid work in a real workplace (and even when I don't have any specific projects, collaborations and deadlines, there is my own art practice). I can decide the hours and where I work - the 'where' tends to be my house. The times are never fixed, but I have found that setting aside an afternoon or even an entire day and keeping it free for working from home is important; otherwise I might easily fill it with other things. Both the location and the flexible hours are a luxury for which I am very grateful, but you do need a lot of discipline to make it a satisfying and productive endeavour.

I cannot rely on those instances where I end up at my desk or easel as if guided by an external force. I have wasted too much time waiting for the right frame of mind - it is discipline, rather than muse, that will yield more results. So here is a list of all the things that I find helpful, and I need to remind myself to try them all before giving up the next time I just can't seem to get going.

- Exercise outside first thing in the morning. Somebody told me a faux commute helps to make us go into working day mode. And it gives you energy. If you don't go outside before you start work - especially if the weather is nice - for the rest of the day you will feel you are missing out by staying indoors. Knowing I have already got my dose of Vitamin D and fresh air makes it easier for me to concentrate.

- Dress properly, but comfortably. Actually, the perfect work outfit varies quite a lot for me. Occasionally I feel I need something tight and constricting (a corset!) because it means I sit upright and makes me feel more alert, confident and inspired. Sometimes it has to be soft yoga pants and no bra. If I am up very early, I might stay in my pyjamas or put on a bathrobe and exploit that working-from-a-dream-state transition from sleep to being fully conscious. Most of the time, however, an outfit that I could get away with in the world outside (and facing unexpected visitors) but that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable is the best solution. Hair/face/body care is also important. There are days when I don't brush my hair until 4pm and wonder where that underlying sense of unease is coming from.

- Have enough food in the house and know what you are going to eat. If I don't know what to have for lunch, chances are my thoughts will be spinning around the theme of food instead of focusing on the task in front of me. I also make sure there is a lot of healthy food around. If I have haphazard "meals" of muesli, bread and chocolate, everything deteriorates - I feel bad, unhealthy, guilty, and these feelings make their way into my work, and thus the spiral of self-loathing begins (worst-case scenario).

- Tea, tea, tea. In a teapot and/or thermos jug, not individual cups of tea, the repeated preparation of which would be an interruption and distraction (I drink a lot of tea, so this is a big deal). Edited to add: Green tea, jasmine green tea or white tea for the first half of the day, herbal tea for the afternoon and evening - too much caffeine would make me hyper.

- Often I prefer to work in silence, but depending on what the work is, music, a radio show or a podcast can be stimulating as background noise as well as a source of information.

- A tidy, clean environment. I am very domestic, so working from home is dangerous in that I easily get distracted by things that need to be done around the house. I often succumb and then justify it by saying I need order around me so I can focus. So it is best if housework is done beforehand, ideally the previous evening.

- Allow disturbances and interruptions (especially if it is a welcome interruption. And you never know where it might lead; spontaneity can be a good force), but don't let the phone, e-mail and doorbell control you. I do not have to be available 24/7. If somebody sends me a text message, they cannot expect me to reply straight away. I still get stressed out by text messages that seem to demand an instant response, but I now often just ignore my phone for hours (the message tone is always on silent, anyway) - it is very liberating. For a long time, I felt I had to be available and flexible because most of my work is flexible, but then I realised the amount of time that allowed said flexibility in my work was getting less and less because I was so flexible.

- Make a list and tick things off. I write down the smallest, most trivial tasks, as well as things I have done already, as I get such a buzz from being able to tick something off. Identify at the beginning of the day what will be most important (but still feasible) and make sure it goes on that list.

- Schedule short breaks. Knowing I am only going to spend x amount of time on something makes it less daunting. And the breaks are little rewards. I might set my alarm to ring in an hour's time, and within that hour I really have to work hard, but afterwards I am allowed to indulge in 15 minutes of reading/eating/whatever I fee like doing.

- Meditate at some stage during the day. Or do yoga/Alexander Technique/progressive muscle relaxation/...  This is when I notice how tense the muscles in my face have become and that I wasn't breathing right. I always feel calmer, more relaxed, refreshed, happier and overall better afterwards.

- There are lots of pockets of time scattered throughout the day that can be made better use of. I used to think 15 minutes was too little to get anything done and wouldn't want to start something and then have to abandon it. I still struggle with the latter, although it's astonishing how much can be achieved in a week by doing a little every day. It might just be prepping a canvas one day, but that small thing means when you come back to it all the preparation is done already. 15 minutes are also plenty of time to do one short admin-type task, such as writing an e-mail. Sending an e-mail I've been meaning to send or writing and posting a letter makes me feel so much more productive and on top of everything, and it sets the tone for the remainder of the day.

- Don't worry if nothing outwardly productive happens. Staring into space does serve a purpose, too. Daydreaming is important. If I am too rigid I only get stressed and can't think of anything. Some of my best ideas just seem to emerge from my subconscious after periods of inactivity. Trust that things will happen in their own time.

Oh, how I have failed so far...

Ok...maybe I should beat myself up for doing nothing....

When I wrote the About Me bit for my profile and the first few posts, I was very much aware of the danger that blogging could become yet another procrastination tool and thus defeat the purpose. And I have to say, I do spend a lot of time in front of the computer these days (mainly reading, not writing...).
Time I could spend painting, for instance.

At the moment it looks as if I can't get myself organized at all.
-I am not painting
-I am not writing
-I am not blogging much
-I am not even working that much

Instead,
-I am sleeping, sleeping, sleeping
-swimming (at least something)
-tidying and cleaning my house, OCD-like (another procrastination tool. Also, since my mind is so cluttered, I need my surroundings to be tidy and calm)
-worrying
-organizing both my virtual and literal folders...(in the misguided belief that once I am organized I can start being creative and productive. Alas, it hasn't happened yet)
-imagining my beautiful future life, when I will be very creative, productive and happy. Haha.

BUT I still believe I am slowly making progress.
I have realised that I am less lethargic the more I do. That doing things actually gives me energy. I also need little routines and rituals to become more disciplined. This blog is such a ritual.

I just have to organize my time better. AND SLEEP LESS.
I mean,
-I don't work full-time (unless you count the art, but since I'm not painting at the moment, I can't really say that)
- I live on my own. I don't have a husband; I don't have kids. I don't have to plan, shop for and prepare meals for a family, only for myself. No pressure.
I have lots of spare time. I don't know where it goes.

How do you do it? How do you live your lives and work full-time and engage in hobbies and socialise, and at the end of the day still have time to come here and write about it all? It always amazes me.

And now, completely unrelated, I will be self-indulgent and girly... What will I do with my hair? This is how I cut it myself about two months ago.

I do not really look like this. I mean, here I look about 15...

What can I say, it didn't work out. I like the fringe, but as soon as I step outside the door, it gets all messed up, as my hair is so light and frizzy. So I am going to do something which I have done only once in the last ten years -I will go to the professionals. Any suggestions?
And yes, that stereotype is true, there is a reason I want a new haircut...


Gracias por todos vuestros comentarios. He contestado a todos.

Vale, a lo mejor debería sentirme mal porque no hago nada (ve la última entrada)...
Cuando escribí el texto para mi perfil, sabía que el blogging podría llegar a ser simplemente otra manera de procrastinar y así lo contrario de lo que quiero lograr. Y es verdad que actualmente paso mucho tiempo enfrente del ordenador (leyendo, no escribiendo).
Tiempo que podría pasar pintando, por ejemplo.

Parece que no sé organizarme. Porque
-no estoy pintando
-no estoy escribiendo
-no estoy activa en el mundo de los blogs
-ni siquiera estoy trabajando mucho

En vez de eso,
-estoy durmiendo todo el tiempo
-estoy nadando (por lo menos algo)
-limpiando la casa como una loca (otra manera de procrastinar. Además, ya que mi mente es tan abarrotada, necesito un entorno limpio y calmo)
-preocupándome
-organizando mis carpetas (creyendo que una vez que esté organizada, voy a ser creativa y productiva. Aún estoy esperando...)
-imaginándome mi vida futura bonita, llena y creativa y feliz, jaja
Sin embargo, creo que estoy progresando algo. He realizado que cuanto más hago, más energía tengo. También es importante tener rutinas y rituales para que tenga más disciplina. Este blog es tal ritual.

Sólo hay que organizarme el tiempo mejor. Y DORMIR MENOS. Porque tengo mucho tiempo libre:
-Mi trabajo no es de jornada completa (bueno, si incluyo el arte, sí, pero como no estoy pintando de momento...)
-Vivo sola. No tengo ni marido ni hijos. No tengo que planear, comprar y preparar la comida para la familia, sólo para mí. No hay ninguna presión.

Cómo lo hacéis vosotros? Cómo vivís vuestras vidas y trabajáis y socializáis y al final del día venís aquí y escribís sobre todo esto? Siempre me sorprende.
Y ahora algo completamente diferente y girly...(ve la foto). Qué voy a hacer con mi pelo? La foto es de hace dos meses, cuando me había cortado un flequillo...Pero cada vez que salgo de la casa, está destruído por el viento, porque tengo el pelo muy ligero y crespo. Así que he decidido de hacer algo que sólo he hecho una vez durante la úlitma década (y esa vez fue en Gijón en el 2007...): ir a la peluquería. Sugerencias?
Y sí, es el estereotipo... Hay una razón por la cual quiero cambiar mi peinado.

A lazy weekend

I had so many plans for this weekend, and now it's almost over, and I got nothing done. I guess I just want to hibernate...
However, I am trying not to beat myself up for being so unproductive (as that is a waste of energy, and then you're stuck in a vicious circle). And, as a friend pointed out to me, resting is also doing something -recharging your batteries. In that respect, I got loads done!

Also, there are plenty of things to look forward to:
My sister and her boyfriend are coming later today (I just made a cake). It is so rare that family visit me here, so this is special.

I bought this book recently and can't wait to read it and look at all the pictures. It is a big, heavy book, perfect for long autumn evenings...

Cumming, Laura: A Face to the World. On Self-Portraits. Harper Press, London 2009

I am off to go for a walk on the beach with a friend and her two dogs.

"When I am by the sea I feel brave, Ben once said, and Jennet knew exactly what he meant: air and sand and cold seawater all conspire to strip away the inessential, leaving behind a core that is, at least for the moment, stronger and more pure." (Kay, Francesca: An Equal Stillness, p.167 -I posted about this book recently)

So true.

Update: Spanish version

Tenía tantos planes para este fin de semana, y al final no he hecho nada...Creo que es porque quiero hibernar.
Pero estoy tratando de no sentirme culpable por estar tan infructuosa (es una pérdida de energía y te deja en un círculo vicioso). Además, como dijo un amigo mío, descansar es hacer algo -recargar sus pilas. Con respeto a esto, he logrado un montón!

Además hay muchas cosas para esperar:
Hoy vienen mi hermana y su novio (ya hice una tarta). No ocurre a menudo que mi familia me visita aquí, entonces es muy especial.

Compré el libro que veis en la foto hace poco, y tengo muchas ganas de leerlo y mirar todos los cuadros en ello. Es muy grande y pesa mucho -perfecto para estas tardes de oton~o (aún no sé cómo poner la onda encima de la 'n'). Se titula "La cara al mundo. Sobre los autorretratos". (no sé si lo he traducido bien)
Ahora me voy a pasear por la playa con una amiga y sus dos perros (bueno, ahora que escribo esto, ya es en el pasado...Lo pasamos muy bien, estaba un poco tormentoso, pero con el sol)

"Cuando estoy en la playa me siento valiente, dijo Ben una vez, y Jennet sabía lo que quería decir: el aire y la arena y el agua fría del mar todos conspiran a quitarnos lo que no sea esencial, dejando un centro de nuestro ser que es, por lo menos en ese momento, más fuerte y más puro" (Kay, Francesca: An Equal Stillness, p.167)

Bien dicho.

[por favor, decidme si he traducido algo muy mal...Gracias!]

Waiting for the muse...

Apologies for my absence over the last few days -I did mean to post daily; maybe that was overzealous.
Hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was much better than the previous one. I went swimming in the sea and the pool, went for walks and running, and am feeling so much better for it -I suddenly have energy! I was never a sporty person (I hated PE at school), and I still couldn't set foot in a gym or do team sports, but if it's solitary, in nature (or followed by a sauna and steamroom -hello, swimming pool), and doesn't require lots of equipment, I will do it.
I also did some baking, lots of eating, had lovely people over, went out for the first time in ages, read two books, and sat in the sun (summer came back for a day).

There was a full moon yesterday, which always affects me in myriad ways. The days leading up to it I didn't sleep well and woke way too early. But it was worth it -this is what I'd be greeted by on those early mornings:

What I did not do was draw or paint. In fact, I have done very little since the exhibition... I had all the time in the world, but something was holding me back (fear, worry, laziness, or probably all three).

The following two pictures are at least two years old. I hung them on the wall in my bedroom, as I wanted to develop that theme a bit more, and I figured that if I saw them every morning, it would serve as a reminder of that plan. But now I've been looking at them for months, and I still haven't done anything with them.

The mother-&-child theme features a lot in my work -it's just something I am drawn to, even though I don't have children. It's the warmth, gentleness, and the primal feeling of that bond between mother and child. It means protection, security, unconditional love. It is something so natural and fundamental. I cannot explain it, really; it just keeps coming up.

The crowns - I think I know where they come from. Years ago I was in a print gallery and saw this very simple print of a figure with a crown on his head. The title was "A proper heart". I think I found the title -or, I should say, the title along with that image- more beautiful than the actual print. I remember standing in that gallery and being incredibly moved by this. It stayed with me; for weeks afterwards I thought about it every day. Unfortunately I didn't take down the artist's name. Ever since then, a simple crown (not the fancy ones) has become a symbol of this elusive, beautiful thing I felt back then for me. I still cannot pinpoint it.
I was sketching the picture below, and somehow, the crown appeared. So yes, I suppose I was subconsciously copying something from that print - I prefer to call it a tribute.

Drawing

As I have said here before, one motivation behind this blog is for me to become more disciplined: to sit down every day or so and post something (instead of dossing around and daydreaming and going to bed way too early, which are three ways I tend to spend my evenings), but also, and more specifically, with regard to my art practice. So the idea was to draw/paint/create every day (or so...) and document it here. I expect it might help me do more if I give myself some sort of deadline, as in "I need to have something to show here"...

Well, it hasn't happened yet. But it's early days. So instead I shall post some older stuff, which I am hoping to put into a blog gallery soon, once I know how to do it. The above (like the painting I put up here a few days ago) is currently being exhibited in real life -my first exhibition in a long time. I know the photo is terrible, as I stupidly forgot to take pictures of the work BEFORE getting it framed...