Early morning swim
Tiny sketch attempting to capture early morning light during swim
Stopping to say hello to all my neighbours during a run with my sister
This must have been my longest absence here so far. A lot has happened since my last post, and maybe even more has not happened. I tend to be cryptic about these things here, but I will say that being dumped for the second time by the same person within 20 months is tough, even if it was always going to be a lurking possibility after getting back together. This time I am more resilient (it took two weeks of hell, and the turning point surprised me, as I saw months of the same ahead. So, as a good friend said, "more painful, but shorter". Everyone was so supportive, and I realised once again how blessed I am with the people in my life - I owe them all big time).
As the cliché goes, a lot of good came out of it all, some of it still so new and strange I hesitate to believe it. I am now trying to catch up on sleep lost to tormenting thoughts waking me between (always) 2 and 3am, going back to running and swimming in the cold cold sea - the latter is so much easier at 6am when you are not fully awake yet than during the day. I am still reading Tara Brach and doing lots of things I haven't done in years, saying yes to possibly too many of them (no drugs, Mama!), and the HSP/introvert me will surely protest very soon, but so far it's all good and all change.
Usually I like to keep my weekends mostly unstructured and need a lot of time alone, but now there are so many plans (and people!), and my calendar is beginning to resemble that of an outgoing bundle of energy, a term that looks completely alien to me as I type it. On Monday I am going to an event in the Hungarian Embassy, and it is these kind of out-of-my-comfort-zone happenings that are making me excited about what lies ahead and rewiring my brain no doubt. My financial worries haven't magically dissolved, and I need to get my act together very soon to be able to support myself and my plans for the future and go back to that endless To Do list, but I am less terrified of what seemed to be insurmountable obstacles only a short while ago.