Sunday, July 8, 2012

Thoughts while sitting by the sea

This morning, I decided to head down to the beach. Only when I got there, there was no beach. I never check the tide forecast, so I never know what the beach will look like.

I had brought my bikini, but instead of going for a swim I sat down on the steps leading down to the beach and stayed there for a long time, with the calming sound of waves lapping against the rocks, and thought about things that have emerged recently.

I feel I have undergone a significant transformation. I have shed old patterns of behaviour that don't suit or serve me anymore (and never have, in reality). I realised I have far more control over my actions than I thought, and I made a big mistake in letting myself act (out) against that feeling of control. There are other ways of dealing with feelings of insecurity and grief, and I know I have the tools for doing that and the ability to use them.

I now know that I don't have to hide from the world. I actually very much like being in the world. I am still somebody who loves solitude, but I don't have to fear the world outside my bubble. And as long as I get the balance between being out in the world and getting time to myself right, I will be content.

I don't have to worry so much, because worry doesn't do anything other than drain me and those who witness my worrying.

Most of all I don't have to worry about security. I am always safe. There is no need for me to be needy. I have everything I need within me.

I understand now that I do not need suffering and drama in order to make art. I got all the drama out of my system. I can be a happy, non-tortured artist. In fact I was most productive in the last year, when I was happiest and healthiest.


Later I went for a walk along the thin strip of rocky shoreline next to the beach.

Somebody had made a work of art out of nature:

And of course nature itself is a work of art.


  1. This is so beautiful, both the pictures and your text. As you know your blog always inspires me but while I was reading this post I nearly started to cry - because it is so honest and personal. I hope your transformation will keep on being a source of strength for you. Und wenn Du Dich doch mal schwach fühlst, dann bin ich da!
    Love, hermanita

  2. I want to say something 'proper' in response to this post, but your words and photos are so beautiful that I'm not sure I can!

    I'm glad that you've managed to come to such positive conclusions. These thoughts are always there, somewhere, I think, but it's about finding the time to sit and let them make themselves known. Space, fresh air and threatening clouds have always helped me find the knowledge that I never knew I had.


  3. Marina,

    Brava! Reading what you wrote was very encouraging. It's always great hearing good news. I'm happy for you. It's wonderful hearing you celebrate the growth and realizations you share in this post.

    I wish you continued joy, discernment and ongoing celebration of life. It certainly sounds like you have plenty of gratitudes.

    You must be thrilled---thriving, having compassion towards self and appreciating life are all fantastic qualities to enjoy.

    Have a great week. I know I will. :)

  4. Beautiful pictures! Wish I could be there! xxxx