some new (old) pictures

...very old, actually. The last one is just a bad photo of the previous painting, but I love how it turned out. I wish I had painted it like that. Blurred images have such a dream-like quality.

...sólo unos cuadros bastante viejos. La última imagen es una foto mala del cuadro anterior, pero me gusta como salió. Lo prefiero así. Es como en un sueño.

Home for Christmas

I wish I could say I have been extremely busy for the last few days, but that would be a lie. Although three days were taken up by travel -I flew home on Wednesday morning, preceded by a night bus and followed by a train journey to go to my sister's and then a drive to our family home. Seeing how I come home every Christmas and every summer (and sometimes in between), I should be well used to the journey, but somehow it still leaves me exhausted (I need two days' sleep afterwards to become a functioning human being once again). I don't travel well. I always consider it a miracle that I manage to get to my destination with all my belongings still with me.
There have been slight improvements: In the past, airports freaked me out; I would feel deeply alienated and miserable. Now I manage to imagine myself in a cocoon undisturbed by the haste and stress around me, and I have stopped imagining that everybody is watching me -yes, I'm paranoid (being short-sighted helps -the faces around me are a blur. Unfortunately I forget that my face isn't a blur to them; but I like living that illusion).

I remember last year around this time as if it were yesterday. I try very hard not to beat myself up for having wasted yet another year (which is what it feels like) and instead focus on the future....or, on the now, rather (nothing wrong with planning for the future, but I tend to project into the future and in the process not do anything to make my beautiful future life happen...)...

Trying to live by this:
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. I can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." -Melody Beattie

Right now, I am grateful for
-being with my family,
-being allowed to be a child again (maybe it's to do with the fact that I left home as a teenager: every time I come back here, I revert to being a child in some ways),
-the nice familiar feeling of my bed
-the pleasure of looking after this little monster while my sister and her boyfriend are away:

Emma the cat -in 2006?! (she's now five times as big)

-the fact that I am far away from my house in Ireland, which is falling apart (I suspect it wants me out. But my landlady has assured me they'll fix things during my absence). I have a history of houses acting up, from mice dying under floorboards to floorboards buckling up and strange noises...

In a bout of optimism, I packed my runners, but it's freezing cold outside, so I doubt they'll be put to use....

Querría poder decir que he estado muy ocupada en los últimos días, pero sería mentira. Aunque pasé casi tres días de viaje. Mi vuelo fue el miércoles por la mañana, antes tuve un viaje de autobús por la noche, y después el tren a la ciudad donde vive mi hermana, y fuimos en coche a la casa de mi madre. Ya que vengo aquí cada navidad y los veranos, y a veces más, debería estar acostumbrada al viaje, pero todavía me cuesta, y me deja muy cansada (necesito dos días de descanso después). No viajo bien. Lo considero un milagro que siempre llega con todas mis cosas.
Hay ciertas mejoras: en el pasado, los aeropuertos me daban miedo; solía sentirme muy alienada y miserable. Ahora puedo imaginarme en un capullo, ininterrumpida por el apuro alrededor, y he dejado pensar que todo el mundo me está mirando -sí, soy paranoica (el hecho de que soy miope ayuda -las caras de la gente son una imagen borrosa. Pero a veces no me doy cuenta de que para ellos, la mía no lo es; sin embargo, me gusta esa ilusión).

Recuerdo esta etapa del año pasado como si fuera ayer. Intento no sentirme culpable por haber perdido otro año (es como me siento) y en vez de esto centrarme en el futuro...o en el ahora... (no está mal planear para el futuro, pero en mi caso tiendo proyectar hacia el futuro y no hacer nada para que se realice...)

Pues intento vivir esto:
"La gratitud abre la plenitud de la vida. Vuelve suficiente -e incluso más- lo que ya es nuestro. Vuelve negar en aceptar, el caos se convierte en orden, la confusión en claridad. Puedo convertir la comida en un banquete, la casa en un hogar, un desconocido en amigo. La gratitud da sentido a nuestro pasado, tranquilidad para hoy, y crea una visión para mañana."
-muy mala traducción de una cita de Melody Beattie

Ahora estoy agradecida por
-estar con mi familia
-poder estar niña otra vez (quizás sea porque me fui de casa cuando era adolescente: cada vez que vuelvo, me siento mucho menos adulta)
-la familiaridad de mi cama aquí
-tener a la gata de mi hermana y su novio
-el hecho de que estoy muy lejos de mi casa en Irlanda, la cual se está desmoronando (temo que no me quiere allí. Pero me han dicho que van a arreglar las cosas durante mi ausencia...). Tengo una historia de casas con problemas, desde ratones muriendo debajo del suelo, hacia el suelo moviéndose, ruídos extraños, etc.

En un momento de optimismo traje mis zapatos deportivos, pero hace tanto frío que no creo que los voy a usar...

El mar

The only thing that keeps me sane sometimes...
A veces es la única cosa que me mantiene cuerda...




The voice of the sea is seductive, never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude, to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation.

from The Awakening by Kate Chopin

...and our breathlessness as we run
to the beach endlessly,
as the sun creeps up on the sea.

"Lille" by Lisa Hannigan

La voz del mar es seductor, no cesa nunca, susurrando, gritando, murmurando, invitando al alma a pasear por un rato dentro de abismos de soledad, perderse en laberintos de contemplación interna.
El Despertar, Kate Chopin

...y jadeantes corremos
hacia la playa infinitamente,
mientras el sol se acerca al mar.
"Lille" de Lisa Hannigan, una cantante irlandesa. Esto no se traduce muy bien, disculpad.

Recovering and grateful

This is going to be a random post. It is day four of being sick and not leaving the house, and I am going crazy.... No, I have had visitors every day, so it's not too bad. But the infection has taken the last bit of energy I still had and left my body extremely weak, and I've been unable to do much apart from crawling from the bed to the couch.
Esto será una entrada al azar...es el día cuatro de estar enferma y no salir de la casa, y me estoy volviendo loca... no, ha venido gente a visitarme cada día, así que no me puedo quejar. Pero la infección me ha robado de la poco energía que me había quedado y me ha debilitado, así que no he podido hacer mucho aparte de gatear desde la cama al sofá.

Here's the painting I am (was) working on (by now the paint on the palette has dried - I hate when that happens. Such a waste, and a reminder of how useless I am...):
Aquí está el cuadro en que estoy (estaba) trabajando (ahora la pintura en la paleta ha secado -no me gusta cuando ocurre esto. Tal desperdicio, y un recordatorio de lo inútil que soy...):

I find it a bit too saccharine as it is, but hopefully that will change, if I ever get back to it...
Me parece demasiado sentimental/dulce, pero espero que cambie... si logro volver a ello...

While it has been very tempting to drown in self-pity lately (for various reasons, some of which I wouldn't want to reveal here), I do know that my problems are rather small and that it is important to be grateful for all the good things. Of which there have been quite a few in the last few days:
Mientras ha sido muy tentador ahogarme en autocompasión (por varias razones, de las que no puedo hablar aquí), sé que mis problemas no son tan graves y que es muy importante estar agradecido por todas las cosas buenas. Y hubo algunas en los últimos días:

-I got a parcel from my older sister, which was such a nice surprise:
Recibí un paquete de mi hermana mayor, una sorpresa tan bonita:

She sent me an advent calender book, two beautiful crochet flower brooches she made herself, an article on donkeys (because I love donkeys) and a letter. I love my family and miss them!
Me envió un libro calendario de Adviento, dos broches de flores de crochet que hizo, un artículo sobre burros (porque me encantan) y una carta. Quiero mi familia, y les echo de menos!

-I also received a beautiful hand-written get-well card in the post, from a lovely woman. So thoughtful. It made me so happy.
También recibí una tarjeta muy bonita de buenos deseos (recuperación?), de una mujer encantadora. Fue una sorpresa -me hizo tanta ilusión.

-I thought I'd never see a blue sky again, and then, two days ago...:
Justo cuando pensé que nunca volvería a ver un cielo azul, hace dos días..:

Rosemary on my kitchen windowsill
Romero en el alféizar de la ventana

-My family and friends have been so good to me. I wish I could focus on that and forget about those individuals that cause me upset.
Mi famila y mis amigos han sido tan buenos. Querría ser capaz de centrarme en esto y olvidar aquellos individuos que me hacen sufrir.

-And of course I am grateful for all your lovely comments!
Y, por supuesto, todos vuestros comentarios!

New projects

Oh dear, I can't believe another week has gone by. In my defence, I haven't been well. Last weekend I did manage to stay up longer, but now I have a nasty eye infection (it is 7am as I'm writing this, and I cannot open my eye, so I have no idea how I am going to drive to work).
I have done a bit of painting (no photos yet), but as usual I abandoned it and will let it sit on the easel for days, weeks, months before I get back to it. In the meantime I want to start lots of other projects. One is to tackle these:

tiny canvases (10x10cm)
lienzos pequeñitos (10x10cm)

I bought them ages ago and they have been waiting for too long now. The painting I am working on is quite big, so it'll be nice to work in a small format for a change.
This is a 20x20cm I did in the summer:

No me puedo creer que otra semana ha pasado. Pero he estado enferma. El fin de semana logré quedarme despierta por la tarde, pero ahora tengo una infección del ojo (son las siete de la mañana, y no puedo abrir el ojo, así que no sé cómo voy a conducir al trabajo).
He pintado un poco (aún no hay fotos), pero como siempre lo he dejado, y van a pasar días, semanas, meses antes de que continue con ese cuadro. Mientras tanto, tengo ganas de empezar con otros proyectos, como esos lienzos pequeños que compré hace mucho tiempo. El cuadro que estoy pintando es muy grande, así que será un cambio bienvenido trabajar en algo de otro tamaño. La segunda foto es un lienzo de 20x20cm que pinté durante el verano.

I will reply to your recent comments later today. Thank you!
Voy a contestar a los comentarios en la última entrada más tarde. Gracias!

A month spent asleep

I really have neglected this blog -my apologies. My internet connection somehow survived the storm (see last post), but my phone is still not working, and I have done nothing about it.
Also, I haven't posted here because I have just been working and sleeping (more of the latter) - going to bed at 7pm on average. That doesn't leave much time for, well, life...

The weather has been terrible (and I don't often say that. I really don't mind the rain usually) -it is so stormy you can't walk without being flung around by gale force winds, and the country is flooded.

It is too dark to take pictures, so instead I shall post two from May this year, of a very productive (and sunny) afternoon in my house, when my friend came for a session of painting and tea.


A nice reminder of good times and possibilities...
(I know I keep posting old stuff - it's just that nothing is happening right now.)

No he estado por aquí últimamente -disculpad. El internet ha sobrevivido la tormenta (ve la última entrada), pero mi teléfono aún no funciona, y no he hecho nada para cambiar esto.
Otra razón por la que no he escrito nada aquí es porque cuando no estoy trabajando, estoy durmiendo. Me acuesto a las siete de la tarde! Y esto no deja mucho tiempo para, pues, la vida...

Hace mal tiempo (y esto no digo mucho; no me quejo de la lluvia normalmente) -está tan tormentoso que no se puede caminar sin estar empujada en todas direcciones por el viento. Y hay crecidas por todo el país.

Está demasiado oscuro para sacar fotos, así que pongo unas de mayo de este año, de una tarde productiva (y soleada) en mi casa, cuando vino una amiga a pintar y tomar té. Un recuerdo bonito de buenos tiempos y posibilidades...

(Sé que sigo poniendo cosas del pasado, pero es que no pasa nada en estos días.)

Back soon

Apologies for my absence. My phone line was struck by lightning (nasty weather here these days), so I haven't been able to access the internet. Sorting things out now, so I should be back very soon! Thank you!

Disculpad que no he estado por aquí. Cayó un rayo en mi línea de teléfono durante una tormenta. Estoy solucionando el problema, así que voy a volver pronto! Gracias!

Máthair-mother-madre

This is a drawing I did when I was 17. It's one of the few pieces from that time that I brought with me when I moved to Ireland, and it's actually hanging on my wall right now. Because I really like it.
I deliberately made the hands and the whole upper body bigger -I wanted it to look animalistic, protective. A friend pointed out to me that it reminded her of Käthe Kollwitz's work, and it's true -it was around that time that I immersed myself in books on Käthe Kollwitz, so it is very likely that she influenced me big time.
I called the drawing "Máthair", which is Irish for mother. I'm not sure why I wrote it in Irish (it might have been during my first attempt to learn the language) -probably because I love the sound; it seemed to suit the image.

It looks like I'll be posting older work until I actually start painting and drawing again... But it is not just for that reason; I enjoy revisiting the work I did when I was younger, and I am documenting it here for myself (and in the humble hope that you enjoy it, too).

Hice este dibujo cuando tenía 17 años. Es uno de los pocos dibujos que traje conmigo cuando me mudé a Irlanda. De hecho, está colgado en mi pared. Porque me gusta.
Cuando dibujé esto, hice las manos y el tronco más grandes a propósito; quería que pareciera animalista, protector. Una amiga dijo que le recordaba la obra de Käthe Kollwitz ,y es muy probable que me influyó, ya que fue en esa etapa que compré libros sobre esa artista.
Llamé a este dibujo "Máthair"; es irlandés por madre. No sé por qué lo escribí en irlandés (quizás fue durante el tiempo cuando hice el primer intento de aprender ese idioma) -probablemente por el sonido de la palabra; me parecía quedarle bien a la imagen.

Parece que vaya a poner obras viejas aquí por un rato, hasta que empiezo a pintar y dibujar otra vez...Pero no es ésta la única razón: me gusta revisitar a cosas que creó cuando era más jóven, y las documento aquí para mí misma (y esperando que a vosotros os gusten también).

Work-in-progress

This is what I am hoping to work on this week. It's another stream-of-consciousness piece, i.e. so far no thought whatsoever has gone into it. But I like working intuitively.
I can see a woman from mid-head to hips in it, and another figure on the right (perhaps not visible in the photo). I think I will let it dry completely and then go over it again in transparent layers. I love layering paint -the subtlety, and the way it seems to make the image shift.
I will post the end result here, but considering my pace these days, it might be next year...

I'm still behind with just about everything, but I have replied to all comments from my last two posts! Thank you all for your support!

Espero continuar con este cuadro esta semana. Es otro cuadro que he empezado en manera flujo-de-conciencia -quiere decir que no he pensado nada. Pero me gusta trabajar intuitivamente.
Ahora que lo miro puedo ver una mujer desde la boca hasta la cadera en ello, y otra figura en la parte derecha (quizás no se vea en la foto). Voy a dejarlo secar completamente, y después voy a poner unas capas de pintura transparentes. Me encantan las capas - la sutileza, y como hacen que la imagen parece cambiar.
Voy a poner el resultado aquí, pero, teniendo en cuenta mi ritmo en estos días, puede tardar unos meses...

Gracias por vuestros comentarios, he contestado a todos de las últimas dos entradas.

This week's soundtrack

No, I haven't been painting... The above is from 2005, when I had an exhibition in Oviedo, Spain. Just came across it when looking through my photographs. Oviedo keeps coming up these days, and I am feeling nostalgic...
When I started this blog, I never thought that it would turn into a bilingual blog -I love how things have developed! It happened at the right time, namely when I'd started losing my Spanish!
This week I've been listening to songs that remind me of my year in Spain and songs that have meant a lot to me since then -partly because of events in my life I associate them with.
Since I am a compulsive list-maker, I thought I'd put together a list of those songs here. They are the perfect soundtrack to my life at the moment. Click on the titles, and you should get the corresponding youtube video.

No, no he pintado esta semana. La foto es de un cuadro que hice en el 2005, cuando tuve una exposición en Oviedo. Oviedo reaparece mucho en estos días y me siento nostálgica.
Cuando empecé a escribir este blog, no pensaba que iba a ser bilingüe -me encanta cómo las cosas han desarrollado. Fue el momento perfecto, justo cuando había empezado a perder el idioma! Gracias a todos vosotros!
Esta semana estoy escuchando muchas canciones que me recuerdan esa etapa de mi vida, y otras que han sido importantes para mí desde entonces - en parte por los acontecimientos con los que las asocio.
Como me gusta hacer listas, he puesto una aquí con algunas de estas canciones. Son la banda sonora perfecta de mi vida actualmente. Haz clic en los títulos, y te lleva al video de youtube.

Joaquín Sabina: Y nos dieron las diez
Apparently this was written about a village in Asturias I've been to. This song instantly transports me back to the year 2004/5.
Creo que el pueblo de esta canción está en Asturias, no? Me transporta inmediatamente al 2004/5.

Silvio Rodríguez: Ojalá
And this one.
Y ésta también.

Dayna Kurtz: Postcards from Downtown
I went to see her in Oviedo; I had never heard of her before. She played this song, and it stayed with me.
Fui a un concierto suyo en Oviedo; no la conocía antes. Cantó esta canción y me conmovió mucho.

Lhasa de Sela: De cara a la pared
She played in Gijón that year, and I didn't go! Still regret it.
Ella tocó en Gijón cuando estuve allí, y no fui! Aún me da pena.

Beth Gibbons: Mysteries
Just so beautiful.
Tan hermosa.

Alanis Morissette: That I Would Be Good
One of my favourites of hers -the lyrics are so simple and true.
Una de mis favoritas de ella -la letra es sencilla y bella.

Micah P. Hinson: Beneath the Rose
A friend of mine in Spain gave me his album, and I saw him live in Galway a few years later. He is only in his twenties, yet his voice sounds so old and world-weary.
Una amiga en Oviedo me dio el CD suyo, y fui a verle tocar en Galway poco después. Es jóven, pero su voz suena como la de un hombre viejo y cansado del mundo.

Mazzy Star: Halah
I actually went to see Hope Sandoval last week! Unfortunately I was so tired, I couldn't enjoy it as much as I would have otherwise.
Fui a un concierto de la cantante de Mazzy Star, Hope Sandoval, aquí en Galway la semana pasada! Desafortunadamente estaba muy cansada, así que no pude disfrutar del concierto tanto...

Bic Runga: Birds
This one makes me cry. It has a special meaning for me.
Esta me hace llorar. Tiene un significado especial para mí.

Martha Wainwright: When the Day is Short
Her voice is amazing, and I love the atmosphere of this song.
Esta voz! Y me encanta la atmósfera de esta canción.

Tori Amos: When You're Putting The Damage On
I used to listen to her all the time.
Solía escucharla todo el tiempo.

Chavela Vargas: Paloma negra
I love her. And I love this song.
Me encanta ella y esta canción.

Pictures on the wall

I am still unbelievably tired, but am slowly getting through various to-do-lists, and I did a bit of painting at the weekend (not happy with the result so far, though)...
I remain in organizing-mode and am currently tackling my tiny studio/office. I recently took pictures of all the stuff that's on the walls -as I'm planning to re-decorate and redo my inspiration boards -and it struck me that I have lots of pictures of women up (especially a worrying amount of Frida Kahlo...bordering on obsession).
Here's just a small selection:

a bad photo of a beautiful Frida Kahlo self-portrait- one of my favourites

three pictures of Isadora Duncan, cut out of a newspaper -I just love them. So graceful, and old photographs have such a mesmerizing quality to them...(and reproductions of old photographs in newspapers! Newspaper paper ages so quickly)

a portrait of Francoise Gilot by Pablo Picasso. Her memoir Life with Picasso is brilliant. I love reading artists' autobiographies, but it can be even more intriguing to read their partners' accounts of what it was like to live with them. And of course Gilot is an amazing artist in her own right.

Jean Rhys, most famous for Wide Sargasso Sea, but she also wrote several other novels that were a revelation to me -so honest and raw, and they render 'tristesse' so well.

Daphne du Maurier -I think I am almost more fascinated by the woman herself than her work, though I devoured Rebecca, and I still get goosebumps when I think of the opening sentence...

Aún estoy muy cansada, pero poco a poco estoy progresando con mis listas de cosas que tengo que hacer.
Sigo en modo de organizar - de momento estoy abordando mi estudio. Hace poco saqué fotos de los cuadros y fotos que tengo colgados en las paredes -porque voy a re-decorar y cambiar mi tablón de inspiración-, y me di cuenta de que muchos son de mujeres (y especialmente una cantidad inquietante de Frida Kahlo - estoy obsesionada?)
Aquí he puesto algunos de ellos.
1. una foto muy mala de un autorretrato muy bonito de susodicha Frida Kahlo
2.tres fotos de Isadora Duncan, sacadas de un periódico -me encantan! Llena de gracia, y las fotos viejas tienen una calidad muy hipnotizante (y las reproducciones de fotos viejas en los periódicos! Porque el papel de los periódicos envejece tan rápidamente)
3.un retrato de Francoise Gilot por Pablo Picasso. Sus memorias sobre su vida con Picasso me gustaron mucho. Me encanta leer las autobiografías de los artistas, pero puede ser aun más fascinante leer las memorias de los que compartían su vida. Y por supuesto, Gilot es una artista increíble ella misma.
4.Jean Rhys, más conocida por Wide Sargasso Sea, pero escribió varias novelas muy bonitas de una franqueza impresionante.
5. Daphne du Maurier -creo que casi me fascina más ella misma que su obra, aunque devoré Rebecca, y todavía la primera frase me produce escalofríos.

Oh, how I have failed so far...

Ok...maybe I should beat myself up for doing nothing....

When I wrote the About Me bit for my profile and the first few posts, I was very much aware of the danger that blogging could become yet another procrastination tool and thus defeat the purpose. And I have to say, I do spend a lot of time in front of the computer these days (mainly reading, not writing...).
Time I could spend painting, for instance.

At the moment it looks as if I can't get myself organized at all.
-I am not painting
-I am not writing
-I am not blogging much
-I am not even working that much

Instead,
-I am sleeping, sleeping, sleeping
-swimming (at least something)
-tidying and cleaning my house, OCD-like (another procrastination tool. Also, since my mind is so cluttered, I need my surroundings to be tidy and calm)
-worrying
-organizing both my virtual and literal folders...(in the misguided belief that once I am organized I can start being creative and productive. Alas, it hasn't happened yet)
-imagining my beautiful future life, when I will be very creative, productive and happy. Haha.

BUT I still believe I am slowly making progress.
I have realised that I am less lethargic the more I do. That doing things actually gives me energy. I also need little routines and rituals to become more disciplined. This blog is such a ritual.

I just have to organize my time better. AND SLEEP LESS.
I mean,
-I don't work full-time (unless you count the art, but since I'm not painting at the moment, I can't really say that)
- I live on my own. I don't have a husband; I don't have kids. I don't have to plan, shop for and prepare meals for a family, only for myself. No pressure.
I have lots of spare time. I don't know where it goes.

How do you do it? How do you live your lives and work full-time and engage in hobbies and socialise, and at the end of the day still have time to come here and write about it all? It always amazes me.

And now, completely unrelated, I will be self-indulgent and girly... What will I do with my hair? This is how I cut it myself about two months ago.

I do not really look like this. I mean, here I look about 15...

What can I say, it didn't work out. I like the fringe, but as soon as I step outside the door, it gets all messed up, as my hair is so light and frizzy. So I am going to do something which I have done only once in the last ten years -I will go to the professionals. Any suggestions?
And yes, that stereotype is true, there is a reason I want a new haircut...


Gracias por todos vuestros comentarios. He contestado a todos.

Vale, a lo mejor debería sentirme mal porque no hago nada (ve la última entrada)...
Cuando escribí el texto para mi perfil, sabía que el blogging podría llegar a ser simplemente otra manera de procrastinar y así lo contrario de lo que quiero lograr. Y es verdad que actualmente paso mucho tiempo enfrente del ordenador (leyendo, no escribiendo).
Tiempo que podría pasar pintando, por ejemplo.

Parece que no sé organizarme. Porque
-no estoy pintando
-no estoy escribiendo
-no estoy activa en el mundo de los blogs
-ni siquiera estoy trabajando mucho

En vez de eso,
-estoy durmiendo todo el tiempo
-estoy nadando (por lo menos algo)
-limpiando la casa como una loca (otra manera de procrastinar. Además, ya que mi mente es tan abarrotada, necesito un entorno limpio y calmo)
-preocupándome
-organizando mis carpetas (creyendo que una vez que esté organizada, voy a ser creativa y productiva. Aún estoy esperando...)
-imaginándome mi vida futura bonita, llena y creativa y feliz, jaja
Sin embargo, creo que estoy progresando algo. He realizado que cuanto más hago, más energía tengo. También es importante tener rutinas y rituales para que tenga más disciplina. Este blog es tal ritual.

Sólo hay que organizarme el tiempo mejor. Y DORMIR MENOS. Porque tengo mucho tiempo libre:
-Mi trabajo no es de jornada completa (bueno, si incluyo el arte, sí, pero como no estoy pintando de momento...)
-Vivo sola. No tengo ni marido ni hijos. No tengo que planear, comprar y preparar la comida para la familia, sólo para mí. No hay ninguna presión.

Cómo lo hacéis vosotros? Cómo vivís vuestras vidas y trabajáis y socializáis y al final del día venís aquí y escribís sobre todo esto? Siempre me sorprende.
Y ahora algo completamente diferente y girly...(ve la foto). Qué voy a hacer con mi pelo? La foto es de hace dos meses, cuando me había cortado un flequillo...Pero cada vez que salgo de la casa, está destruído por el viento, porque tengo el pelo muy ligero y crespo. Así que he decidido de hacer algo que sólo he hecho una vez durante la úlitma década (y esa vez fue en Gijón en el 2007...): ir a la peluquería. Sugerencias?
Y sí, es el estereotipo... Hay una razón por la cual quiero cambiar mi peinado.

A lazy weekend

I had so many plans for this weekend, and now it's almost over, and I got nothing done. I guess I just want to hibernate...
However, I am trying not to beat myself up for being so unproductive (as that is a waste of energy, and then you're stuck in a vicious circle). And, as a friend pointed out to me, resting is also doing something -recharging your batteries. In that respect, I got loads done!

Also, there are plenty of things to look forward to:
My sister and her boyfriend are coming later today (I just made a cake). It is so rare that family visit me here, so this is special.

I bought this book recently and can't wait to read it and look at all the pictures. It is a big, heavy book, perfect for long autumn evenings...

Cumming, Laura: A Face to the World. On Self-Portraits. Harper Press, London 2009

I am off to go for a walk on the beach with a friend and her two dogs.

"When I am by the sea I feel brave, Ben once said, and Jennet knew exactly what he meant: air and sand and cold seawater all conspire to strip away the inessential, leaving behind a core that is, at least for the moment, stronger and more pure." (Kay, Francesca: An Equal Stillness, p.167 -I posted about this book recently)

So true.

Update: Spanish version

Tenía tantos planes para este fin de semana, y al final no he hecho nada...Creo que es porque quiero hibernar.
Pero estoy tratando de no sentirme culpable por estar tan infructuosa (es una pérdida de energía y te deja en un círculo vicioso). Además, como dijo un amigo mío, descansar es hacer algo -recargar sus pilas. Con respeto a esto, he logrado un montón!

Además hay muchas cosas para esperar:
Hoy vienen mi hermana y su novio (ya hice una tarta). No ocurre a menudo que mi familia me visita aquí, entonces es muy especial.

Compré el libro que veis en la foto hace poco, y tengo muchas ganas de leerlo y mirar todos los cuadros en ello. Es muy grande y pesa mucho -perfecto para estas tardes de oton~o (aún no sé cómo poner la onda encima de la 'n'). Se titula "La cara al mundo. Sobre los autorretratos". (no sé si lo he traducido bien)
Ahora me voy a pasear por la playa con una amiga y sus dos perros (bueno, ahora que escribo esto, ya es en el pasado...Lo pasamos muy bien, estaba un poco tormentoso, pero con el sol)

"Cuando estoy en la playa me siento valiente, dijo Ben una vez, y Jennet sabía lo que quería decir: el aire y la arena y el agua fría del mar todos conspiran a quitarnos lo que no sea esencial, dejando un centro de nuestro ser que es, por lo menos en ese momento, más fuerte y más puro" (Kay, Francesca: An Equal Stillness, p.167)

Bien dicho.

[por favor, decidme si he traducido algo muy mal...Gracias!]

Award! Premio!

Ok, today first in Spanish, then in English...


Pues, qué sorpresa...Fete de DEBÍA HACERLO me ha dado este premio...No lo merezco!!... GRACIAS, FETE! Fete era el primer espan~ol que visitó a mi blog, y le debo muchísimo, entre otras cosas todos vosotros! Me ha ayudado tanto, y tiene un espíritu muy bonito. Hace sólo unas semanas que le conozco, pero de todo lo que pone en su blog y sus comentarios veo que se trata de una persona maravillosa.
(Por cierto, no creo que mi blog posea mucha sabiduría, pero gracias!)

Si recibes este premio, tienes que contestar a las siguientes preguntas:

EN QUÉ ANIMAL TE REENCARNARÍAS?
una gata -es independiente, misteriosa y elegante, y hace lo que quiere
_ALGO SIN LO QUE NO PUEDES ESTAR?
saber que hay personas, cercanas y lejos, que me quieren y a las que quiero...En cuanto a cosas, el arte, la música, la literatura
_QUÉ ES LO QUE MÁS APRECIAS DE UNA PERSONA?
si tiene buen corazón y lo demuestra en su manera de ser
_SUELO VESTIR DE COLOR?
todos los colores, con excepción de colores neón
_TRES PALABRAS QUE ME DEFINAN?
sensible, creativa, impulsiva
_UN LUGAR AL QUE VIAJARÍAS?
Buenos Aires, aunque en general prefiero la tranquilidad del campo, pero muchas personas y casualidades me han sen~alado que tengo que ir allí
_TU CITA FAVORITA, DE LIBRO O PELÍCULA?
oh, tengo tantas...por ejemplo "Porque también somos lo que hemos perdido"; viene al final de la película "Amores Perros"
_ALGO QUE QUIERAS HACER?
lograr vivir en el ahora, y dejar de preocuparme del pasado y del futuro, y sin ansiedad existencial (?)
_MI MAYOR MONOSIDAD?
no sé qué significa la palabra...algo mono?

También hay que elegir siete blogs que tengan juventud y otros siete que tengan sabiduría...
Esto es difícil, porque aún no leo muchos blogs, y veo que muchos de los que leo ya han recibido este premio...y separar los de juventud y los de sabiduría, no sé... Así que simplemente voy a elegir 14 que leo y que me gustan:

-Blessings Each Day
-En la cama con ellos
-La Torre de la Escarcha
-Moonstone and Water
-Ugly Rabbit
-Narciso
-Lo que es la vida
-Good Mouse, Bad Mouse
-Heart of Light
-a cat of impossible colour
-An Apple a Day
-What Possessed Me
-Al pan pan y al vino tinto
-Secretos del corazón

Disculpad si ya lo habéis recibido...

Una cosa más: MUCHAS GRACIAS por todos vuestros comentarios en mi última entrada! Voy a contestar a todos pronto!

And now in English:

Fete of DEBÍA HACERLO has given me this award. I don't deserve it!! Thank you so much! Fete was the first Spaniard to visit my blog, and I owe him a lot, among other things all my Spanish followers!! He has helped me a lot and is a wonderful person.

If you receive this award, you have to answer the following questions:

IF YOU COULD COME BACK AS AN ANIMAL, WHICH WOULD IT BE?
A cat -independent, mysterious, elegant; they do what they want
SOMETHING YOU COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT
knowing that there are people, near and far, whom I love and who love me... In terms of "things", art, music, literature
WHAT DO YOU VALUE MOST IN ANOTHER PERSON
if they have a good heart and show it in words and actions
THE COLOURS YOU TEND TO WEAR ARE
all colours, as I love colourful clothes, except neon colours
THREE WORDS THAT DEFINE YOU
sensitive, creative, impulsive
A PLACE YOU WOULD TRAVEL TO
Buenos Aires, even though in general I prefer the countryside, but various people and coincidences are pointing me in its direction
YOUR FAVOURITE QUOTE FROM A BOOK OR MOVIE
Oh, I have so many....Here's one: "Because we are also what we have lost" -at the end of the film "Amores Perros"
SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO
be able to live in the now and stop worrying about the past and future, and without existential angst and anxiety
YOUR MAIN "MONOSIDAD" (CUTENESS ?)
I'm not sure what I am being asked here..

You are also supposed to send this on to seven "young" blogs and seven blogs of wisdom. Since a lot of the blogs I read have already received this and I don't even know that many blogs, I will just send it on to 14 blogs I like, regardless of how young or wise they are! Find the list in the Spanish part above.

Also, thank you so much for all your comments; I will reply to them soon. I think I need (yet another) early night tonight, so I probably won't do it now, but definitely tomorrow!

meme -with Spanish translation!

I was tagged by lovely Marcy of Blessings Each Day to do this meme. Thanks, Marcy! I love reading these trivia about people.

The Eight Question MEME

Six names you go by (I should say six names that I have been called in the past -really, everyone just calls me Marina):
1. MARINA
2. Mops (German for "pug" -don't ask..this is what my family used to call me. I sincerely hope I do not resemble a pug)
3. Marinita
4. Marinilla (3 & 4 when I lived in Spain)
5. fruitcake
6. Mary

Three things you are wearing right now:
These:

deliberately blurred photo

1. pinstripe pants (a rare occurrence -I usually wear skirts or dresses)
2. socks I knitted myself
3. a turquoise necklace given to me by a friend, worn as a bracelet

Three things you want very badly at the moment
1. for my cold to go away
2. to stop worrying so much
3. a hot bath!

Three things you did last night/yesterday
1. read the Sunday paper (well, so far only the magazines that come with it...)
2. had a friend over for a tea-drinking marathon
3. went to bed at 8.30pm...I'm sick, after all.. but I did read in bed.

Two things you ate today
1. muesli with yoghurt and blueberries
2. bee pollen

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. my younger sister
2. my friend R.

Two things you are going to do today/tomorrow:
1. today: have a hot bath, with essential oils and candlelight and a book (which I most likely will drop into the water) and piano music in the background!
2. tomorrow: paint!!! I have neglected it...

Your three favorite beverages:
Currently:
1. a herbal tea blend called "Tardes lluviosas" that a friend brought back from Spain -no idea what's in it, but it's gorgeous, and I love the name: "rainy afternoons"...
..and two of my all-time favourites:
2. jasmine green tea
3. wine (red, white, rosé, sparkling -I love them all...)


I am not going to tag anyone, as I am terribly indecisive. If you're reading this and want to do it,
copy and paste the questions into your blog, then delete my answers and type in yours. Send this to 5 people.

Marina x
P.S.: Regarding yesterday's post, it should all be sorted now -see comments. Thanks again, Fete!

Y en espanhol...
Meme (no sé qué es en espanhol..). Ocho preguntas.

1. Seis nombres que te llaman:
1. MARINA
2. Mops (alemán por "dogo faldero" -esto me llamaba mi familia, no sé por qué -no hay ningún parecido!)
3. Marinita
4. Marinilla (3 & 4 cuando vivía en Espanha)
5. fruitcake
6. Mary

2.Tres cosas que estás llevando en este momento:
ve la foto
1. pantalones de raya diplomática (???) (una excepción, suelo llevar faldas o vestidos)
2. calcetines que tejí
3. un collar que me regaló una amiga, llevado como pulsera

3. Tres cosas que quieres ahora mismo:
1. que no esté resfriada más
2. dejar de preocuparme tanto
3.un banho caliente

4.Tres cosas que hiciste ayer:
1. leí el periódico (bueno, hasta ahora sólo las revistas que llegan con ello los domingos...)
2. tomé demasiado té con un amigo en mi casa
3. me acosté a las ocho y media...(estoy enferma!)...pero leí un poco antes de dormirme

5. Dos cosas que comiste hoy:
1. muesli con yogur y arándanos
2.polen de las abejas

6.Las últimas dos personas con quien hablaste por teléfono
1. mi hermana menor
2. mi amiga R.

7. Dos cosas que vas a hacer hoy/manhana:
1. hoy: voy a banharme, con aceites y velas y un libro que ya sé que va a caer en el agua, y música de piano en el fondo!
2.manhana: pintar! Lo he descuidado..

8. Tus tres bebidas preferidas:
De momento:
1.una mezcla de tés que se llama "Tardes lluviosas" que me trajo una amiga de Espanha! No sé qué contiene, pero está muy buena y me encanta el nombre
..y en general:
2. té verde con jazmín
3. vino (tinto, blanco, rosé, cava, todo!)

Si queréis, participad!

Besos a todos,
Marina
P.S.: Ya he reaparecido como seguidor con foto y enlace. GRACIAS, FETE!!!

Help!

It's an overcast Sunday afternoon, and I'm at home nursing a cold. Nothing major, but my head feels as if it weighed 100 kilos, so I'm not up to much today. Thanks so much for all your recent comments -I just replied to them all. While doing that I realised that on all the blogs I follow, my profile picture doesn't come up anymore; what shows instead is the image that's there when you don't have a photo...When you click on it, my name appears, but not the link to my blog...:-(

So don't think I've gone! I'm that grey silhouette among your followers!
If anybody knows what I can do about it, please let me know; I'd be very grateful for any help.

Of course I started blogging without having done any research on it. I tend to spontaneously jump into things and only then realise what they entail. I often feel my computer dislikes me... Ok, I'm being dramatic; I know it's just a trivial matter, but still...now that this has happened, I just want to run away from it (I did search the help forums, but no luck)... I seem to have no control over this capricious blog creature.

Sorry this is only a boring post about technicalities...

The photo was taken by my aunt this summer, when she came to visit with my mom. It's the view through a stone wall on Inis Meáin, one of the Aran islands -so peaceful.

Para los espanoles: esta entrada no contiene nada interesante...pero necesito ayuda. Me he dado cuenta de que no aparece la foto de mi perfil como seguidor en vuestros blogs. Sólo aparece la imagen anónima, con mi nombre, pero sin el vínculo a mi blog. Sabéis qué puedo hacer? Muchas gracias! Besos a todos

Blue

I haven't been very active here... Thank you so much for visiting and for your comments; it means a lot to me.
I realise I keep posting older artwork here (the above is several years old), as I have been doing very little recently... Maybe I should change the bit in my profile about procrastination; it's getting a bit embarrassing, as my original plan doesn't seem to work out that well...

The days just fly by, and as I don't manage to stay up late (today is an exception...yes, 10.30pm is late for me...) there never seems to be enough time in the day.
The last few days I have been feeling a bit low as well, so that doesn't help. Yesterday something (somebody..) upset me, and unfortunately I let things affect me way too much.
As I tend to let the negative stuff dominate my thoughts in such phases, I am now trying very hard to focus on all the good things -because there are plenty of them, and I am aware that I have a good life and am very lucky and blessed.

Right now, I am grateful for

-last weekend, which I spent with my family

-good friends -today alone I talked to several of them in person, and one rang me at just the right time

-the beautiful weather yesterday -like summer! I could take off three layers of clothes (that's the way to dress in this part of the world) and soaked up the sun.

-feeling inspired in the art classes I am teaching

-a surprise present from a friend

-my lovely little place, where I actually feel at home (and where I can have hot baths -in the houses I lived in in the last few years that wasn't possible)

-having the opportunity, time and money to start my days with a swim (I am becoming addicted)

-aromatherapy (it works! I was doused in lavender oil on the flight home and was soooo relaxed). Currently loving a mix of cinnamon, orange and rosemary essential oils

-the beautiful book on self-portraits I got today

AND I am so grateful for all of you -you always brighten up my day!

Marina x

On Drawing

unfinished pencil sketch on white acrylic on canvas

When I am not drawing/painting/creating, I like to read about drawing/painting/creativity. I have always loved essays -I studied literature, and while writing essays did feel like a chore at times (we had to churn them out), I enjoyed writing them for the most part. There is something very satisfying about using your critical mind and really getting stuck into a work.
Some of my favourite books are collections of essays about art and literature (among them John Berger's and Siri Hustvedt's -beautiful writings). It is fascinating to see a work of art through someone else's eyes and accompany them on their wanderings. I am aware that too much theorizing can kill a work (or one's love of said work), but a well-written, passionate essay is in itself a work of art.

I have a collection of essays about drawing that was given to me by a friend, and reading them was a revelation -I was so happy that day! I love these moments of recognition- someone out there has managed to put into words things I have felt and never been able to express, what drawing is all about, the beauty of it...
It is awful hard to "explain" drawing, since the visual is like a completely different parallel language to the verbal language. When I teach drawing, I always struggle to find the right words when I want to tell a student why a particular line they drew is beautiful, for example.

But where was I going with this? Oh yes - I am going to post art quotes here from time to time. First up is Siri Hustvedt (and I am going to finish with this, as I am still extremely tired from my trip, and my brain isn't working):

"...I apprehend the artist's image on paper as a commmunicative act, the mute expression of something known to him or her. My perception of the lines, the shading, the figures or things or shapes is created between me and it. And what I see there is also felt, not only for its content, but as an artefact of the living hand that once moved over an empty space and has left behind the marks of that intimate encounter." (Hustvedt, Siri, " 'This Living Hand' ", Drawing Guide, The Guardian, September 2009, p.5)

Reading

I can't believe it's Saturday; the week just flew by. I haven't had time to post regularly, I'm afraid, and this is just going to be a short post to say hello and goodbye again -I am in Germany for a big party for my mom's birthday.
I arrived here yesterday, and as I had barely got any sleep (travelling at night), I spent most of the day in bed.
I love getting a new book to read on the plane/bus/train -it makes travelling so much more enjoyable. For this trip, I got Francesca Kay's An Equal Stillness. I had read several reviews praising it, and so far it doesn't disappoint.

Kay, Francesca: An Equal Stillness, Phoenix, London 2009

I devour books about art; and this mock biography of a fictional woman painter beautifully imagines her paintings and her way of looking at the world:

"...So in place of words she turned to paint. In Cornwall, that sense she had always had of a mysterious, pre-verbal power returned [...] Ultramarine blue deep, Byzantine blue, cobalt cerulean. Jennet Mallow might not have had the colours or the skills then, but she knew she could acquire them. Christening the sea and sky with their precise richnesses of colour - turquoise, azure, sapphire - was like learning a new language, one she found she loved [...] She had not dared to think of art as a way of living. But now, here, suddenly, it struck her as the only way; the only way that she could say out loud what she knew was worth the saying" (pp.20f.)

I'll be back Tuesday; have a great weekend!

Waiting for the muse...

Apologies for my absence over the last few days -I did mean to post daily; maybe that was overzealous.
Hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was much better than the previous one. I went swimming in the sea and the pool, went for walks and running, and am feeling so much better for it -I suddenly have energy! I was never a sporty person (I hated PE at school), and I still couldn't set foot in a gym or do team sports, but if it's solitary, in nature (or followed by a sauna and steamroom -hello, swimming pool), and doesn't require lots of equipment, I will do it.
I also did some baking, lots of eating, had lovely people over, went out for the first time in ages, read two books, and sat in the sun (summer came back for a day).

There was a full moon yesterday, which always affects me in myriad ways. The days leading up to it I didn't sleep well and woke way too early. But it was worth it -this is what I'd be greeted by on those early mornings:

What I did not do was draw or paint. In fact, I have done very little since the exhibition... I had all the time in the world, but something was holding me back (fear, worry, laziness, or probably all three).

The following two pictures are at least two years old. I hung them on the wall in my bedroom, as I wanted to develop that theme a bit more, and I figured that if I saw them every morning, it would serve as a reminder of that plan. But now I've been looking at them for months, and I still haven't done anything with them.

The mother-&-child theme features a lot in my work -it's just something I am drawn to, even though I don't have children. It's the warmth, gentleness, and the primal feeling of that bond between mother and child. It means protection, security, unconditional love. It is something so natural and fundamental. I cannot explain it, really; it just keeps coming up.

The crowns - I think I know where they come from. Years ago I was in a print gallery and saw this very simple print of a figure with a crown on his head. The title was "A proper heart". I think I found the title -or, I should say, the title along with that image- more beautiful than the actual print. I remember standing in that gallery and being incredibly moved by this. It stayed with me; for weeks afterwards I thought about it every day. Unfortunately I didn't take down the artist's name. Ever since then, a simple crown (not the fancy ones) has become a symbol of this elusive, beautiful thing I felt back then for me. I still cannot pinpoint it.
I was sketching the picture below, and somehow, the crown appeared. So yes, I suppose I was subconsciously copying something from that print - I prefer to call it a tribute.

I love Children's Books

One of the many disadvantages of living far away from my family is that I don't have access to our huge collection of books from our childhood. There is nothing more comforting (if tinged with sadness -ah, nostalgia!) than looking through the books you loved when you were a child. It transports you back to a time when you were happily oblivious of things like bureaucracy and other nastinesses of the adult world, and when you didn't know the meaning of existential angst.

Children's books are one of life's simple pleasures.

So, to satisfy my addiction to these mood-improving things of beauty, I am building up my own collection of children's books in my home away from home. The following is a recent addition:

Barrie, J.M., Peter Pan and Wendy, Centenary Edition, Templar, Dorking 2004

This book has been on display on my coffee table for quite a while now -I just can't get myself to put it in the bookcase. I adore Robert Ingpen's illustrations for this edition. Magic.
And royalties from every copy sold go to benefit the Great Ormond Street Hospital Children's Charity.