Friday, April 25, 2014

Shades of pink

Early morning swim

 Easter baking

 Tiny sketch attempting to capture early morning light during swim

 Bouquet drying

Stopping to say hello to all my neighbours during a run with my sister

This must have been my longest absence here so far. A lot has happened since my last post, and maybe even more has not happened. I tend to be cryptic about these things here, but I will say that being dumped for the second time by the same person within 20 months is tough, even if it was always going to be a lurking possibility after getting back together. This time I am more resilient (it took two weeks of hell, and the turning point surprised me, as I saw months of the same ahead. So, as a good friend said, "more painful, but shorter". Everyone was so supportive, and I realised once again how blessed I am with the people in my life - I owe them all big time).

As the cliché goes, a lot of good came out of it all, some of it still so new and strange I hesitate to believe it. I am now trying to catch up on sleep lost to tormenting thoughts waking me between (always) 2 and 3am, going back to running and swimming in the cold cold sea - the latter is so much easier at 6am when you are not fully awake yet than during the day. I am still reading Tara Brach and doing lots of things I haven't done in years, saying yes to possibly too many of them (no drugs, Mama!), and the HSP/introvert me will surely protest very soon, but so far it's all good and all change.

Usually I like to keep my weekends mostly unstructured and need a lot of time alone, but now there are so many plans (and people!), and my calendar is beginning to resemble that of an outgoing bundle of energy, a term that looks completely alien to me as I type it. On Monday I am going to an event in the Hungarian Embassy, and it is these kind of out-of-my-comfort-zone happenings that are making me excited about what lies ahead and rewiring my brain no doubt. My financial worries haven't magically dissolved, and I need to get my act together very soon to be able to support myself and my plans for the future and go back to that endless To Do list, but I am less terrified of what seemed to be insurmountable obstacles only a short while ago.