The small stuff

 

So many times my low mood, whatever its cause, improves drastically when I tackle things I have been transferring from week to week in my diary for so long that re-writing them has become almost automatic. I finally took the first step (no pun intended) to get my knee sorted. This has triggered more to worry about - how am I going to pay for it, and just how wrong has my body been holding itself, unbeknownst to me? -, but at least I have taken action. And of course it could be far worse. The appointment was followed by a well-deserved café break to take refuge from the rain. 

The problem with not running is that my brain manufactures this twisted logic that since I cannot run, I won't endeavour to be healthy and fit in other ways, as there is just no point, which explains all the bready things I have been eating. I think the only reason I am still skinny is that I have so much nervous energy. On Saturday I drove past at least twenty joggers within five minutes, all sent by the universe to mock me, of course. I let this mixed with other worries get me down, until the ridiculousness of it all hit me and I resolved to get back on track with exercise. There is a lot you can do, even with patellofemoral pain syndrome.

Posting a letter always makes me feel accomplished. It sounds pathetic, but I feel so much more together once the letter has slipped through the letterbox. These days I make seals for the envelopes with bits of patterned paper - wallpaper ads in magazines often have little squares like the one above, or I cut them out from other sources. I collect them in a Moleskine pocket memo portfolio, and the collecting and cutting out and matching colours has become a relaxing way to spend a few minutes; I love patterns.

Anything to do with gardening tends to take forever in my world, as if the garden centre were hundreds of miles away instead of ten minutes. Right now I am hoping the extreme rain from last week that made the crocuses sit in a pool of water won't be repeated for a while, so I can figure out a drainage system (I didn't drill holes before putting in the soil).

I have resigned myself to the fact that I am one of those people who easily get overwhelmed by life, including trivial stuff. It's a HSP trait. But the cure to feeling frazzled often lies in doing all the small tasks that make me feel like a functioning human being again. And now I am going to drop off a painting that has been sitting in my car for weeks now...