Monday, February 20, 2012

Being, not doing

I combine working part-time in an actual place of work with working from home, for instance on commissions (and unpaid work that I am passionate about but would still call work). I have a lot of free time during the week that I can fill as I please, which is a real luxury, but at the same time it leaves me with a slight feeling of guilt at weekends: I think I should be doing some work, particularly work I may have neglected during the week (currently illustrations). I also think I should work on this blog or my website. Or at least work out. While I love all these activities and hardly consider them work, I realise I would benefit from having at least one day where I don't "have to" do anything, and, crucially, don't feel bad about it. I frequently indulge in lounging the evening away, but there is always this voice in my head telling me to stop being idle. And as a result, I feel frazzled instead of rested (the mind is powerful - my body may think it is resting, but it is easily undone by my thoughts).

I had a weekend of doing very little, and I was able to enjoy it. I also needed it after what felt like a week-long panic attack, the constant feeling of not being able to breathe. The perfect antidote was the sea, as always (as well as lots of food, wine, meeting friends, a lie-in and a swim).


  water's edge

 
foot- and pawprints

 ripples

yellow boat

8 comments:

  1. Hey,

    How are you! I haven't messaged you for a while, I can see you're still blogging away! I love the pictures, especially the yellow boat :) I know how you feel with time off, I get my school holidays and then have a real panic when I have to go back to work :( Very hard! I wish I had more free time..anyway lots of love, Ines xxx

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    1. Hi Ines, great to hear from you; thanks! Yes, I was very excited when I spotted that boat - I think it will appear in a painting or illustration. It's nice to see you are back to blogging xx

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  2. Hej Marina,
    I know the feeling all too well, not being able to really enjoy "time off" when there is so many things undone that I could be doing.
    A friend of mine is really a master of desaster in that aspect, she spends an unbelievable amount of time feeling bad, almost horrified, about all the things she still has to do, and those thoughts alone are sufficient to hinder her from getting anything done. I don't really judge her for that, I guess our situations are too different from one another; I really DO have an awful lot of free time on my hands as opposed to her. I just frequently tell her that perhaps she should really appoint certain hours for leisure time (like say one week night beginning at six), no matter whatever chores she is getting behind on (is that correct English?! It sounds weird). Not that she would show any signs of actually doing that...
    Yeah, I know, not exactly helpful - but since I drop by your blog so often without ever leaving a note, I figured that every once in a while it is nice to just show some 'interest' - I myself appreciate that as a tremendous encouragement whenever I feel like no-one is actually reading anything I blog.
    So: I really enjoy reading The Beautiful Hue :)

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    1. Hi Owyanna, thanks so much for your thoughtful comment and the encouragement! So nice to hear from you - and I'm sorry; I haven't been a good commenter (BTW, I can't access your blog today - maybe it's because you are moving it; I think you mentioned that. Not sure if you're reading this, but I hope your blog comes back!)
      I agree - it can be helpful to actually schedule leisure time; after all, it's important to make time for it. x

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    2. Oh, just checked again, and it is back, yay! I like the new look!

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  3. When I was studying for my MA, I had 2 part time jobs, and plenty of course work keeping me busy, adn I found myself in exactly the place that you describe here - unable to let myself be lazy or still, or allow myself to do something indulgent away from work!! So, I created a strict 'No work on Saturdays rule'; it helped me focus on what I was doing during the week, and meant I didn't feel guilty over the weekend, especially as I was 'allowed' to catch up with a bit of work on Sundays if I felt the need.

    I must say, having a 9-5 desk job has plenty of downsides, but at least I never feel the urge to do anything on a Saturday afternoon!

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    1. That's a good idea to focus on Saturday as a completely free day and be strict about that - motivation for the work week and a flexible Sunday - I think I'll adopt that, thanks! x

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  4. Yep, that feeling sounds very familiar to me. I think it's quite common for people who don't have more structured 9-5 jobs. There is no end in working and doing and when you don't do you feel guilty which is not very relaxing or nourishing. I wish I could give you some advice but I'm still working on that too. I had a rule of no weekend work or no evening work but still I felt guilty and felt that I should be doing something "productive". Meditation does help though, I have 45 minutes each day doing nothing.

    PS. I love your pictures, especially the first one makes me smile!

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