Oh, how I have failed so far...

Ok...maybe I should beat myself up for doing nothing....

When I wrote the About Me bit for my profile and the first few posts, I was very much aware of the danger that blogging could become yet another procrastination tool and thus defeat the purpose. And I have to say, I do spend a lot of time in front of the computer these days (mainly reading, not writing...).
Time I could spend painting, for instance.

At the moment it looks as if I can't get myself organized at all.
-I am not painting
-I am not writing
-I am not blogging much
-I am not even working that much

Instead,
-I am sleeping, sleeping, sleeping
-swimming (at least something)
-tidying and cleaning my house, OCD-like (another procrastination tool. Also, since my mind is so cluttered, I need my surroundings to be tidy and calm)
-worrying
-organizing both my virtual and literal folders...(in the misguided belief that once I am organized I can start being creative and productive. Alas, it hasn't happened yet)
-imagining my beautiful future life, when I will be very creative, productive and happy. Haha.

BUT I still believe I am slowly making progress.
I have realised that I am less lethargic the more I do. That doing things actually gives me energy. I also need little routines and rituals to become more disciplined. This blog is such a ritual.

I just have to organize my time better. AND SLEEP LESS.
I mean,
-I don't work full-time (unless you count the art, but since I'm not painting at the moment, I can't really say that)
- I live on my own. I don't have a husband; I don't have kids. I don't have to plan, shop for and prepare meals for a family, only for myself. No pressure.
I have lots of spare time. I don't know where it goes.

How do you do it? How do you live your lives and work full-time and engage in hobbies and socialise, and at the end of the day still have time to come here and write about it all? It always amazes me.

And now, completely unrelated, I will be self-indulgent and girly... What will I do with my hair? This is how I cut it myself about two months ago.

I do not really look like this. I mean, here I look about 15...

What can I say, it didn't work out. I like the fringe, but as soon as I step outside the door, it gets all messed up, as my hair is so light and frizzy. So I am going to do something which I have done only once in the last ten years -I will go to the professionals. Any suggestions?
And yes, that stereotype is true, there is a reason I want a new haircut...


Gracias por todos vuestros comentarios. He contestado a todos.

Vale, a lo mejor debería sentirme mal porque no hago nada (ve la última entrada)...
Cuando escribí el texto para mi perfil, sabía que el blogging podría llegar a ser simplemente otra manera de procrastinar y así lo contrario de lo que quiero lograr. Y es verdad que actualmente paso mucho tiempo enfrente del ordenador (leyendo, no escribiendo).
Tiempo que podría pasar pintando, por ejemplo.

Parece que no sé organizarme. Porque
-no estoy pintando
-no estoy escribiendo
-no estoy activa en el mundo de los blogs
-ni siquiera estoy trabajando mucho

En vez de eso,
-estoy durmiendo todo el tiempo
-estoy nadando (por lo menos algo)
-limpiando la casa como una loca (otra manera de procrastinar. Además, ya que mi mente es tan abarrotada, necesito un entorno limpio y calmo)
-preocupándome
-organizando mis carpetas (creyendo que una vez que esté organizada, voy a ser creativa y productiva. Aún estoy esperando...)
-imaginándome mi vida futura bonita, llena y creativa y feliz, jaja
Sin embargo, creo que estoy progresando algo. He realizado que cuanto más hago, más energía tengo. También es importante tener rutinas y rituales para que tenga más disciplina. Este blog es tal ritual.

Sólo hay que organizarme el tiempo mejor. Y DORMIR MENOS. Porque tengo mucho tiempo libre:
-Mi trabajo no es de jornada completa (bueno, si incluyo el arte, sí, pero como no estoy pintando de momento...)
-Vivo sola. No tengo ni marido ni hijos. No tengo que planear, comprar y preparar la comida para la familia, sólo para mí. No hay ninguna presión.

Cómo lo hacéis vosotros? Cómo vivís vuestras vidas y trabajáis y socializáis y al final del día venís aquí y escribís sobre todo esto? Siempre me sorprende.
Y ahora algo completamente diferente y girly...(ve la foto). Qué voy a hacer con mi pelo? La foto es de hace dos meses, cuando me había cortado un flequillo...Pero cada vez que salgo de la casa, está destruído por el viento, porque tengo el pelo muy ligero y crespo. Así que he decidido de hacer algo que sólo he hecho una vez durante la úlitma década (y esa vez fue en Gijón en el 2007...): ir a la peluquería. Sugerencias?
Y sí, es el estereotipo... Hay una razón por la cual quiero cambiar mi peinado.

A lazy weekend

I had so many plans for this weekend, and now it's almost over, and I got nothing done. I guess I just want to hibernate...
However, I am trying not to beat myself up for being so unproductive (as that is a waste of energy, and then you're stuck in a vicious circle). And, as a friend pointed out to me, resting is also doing something -recharging your batteries. In that respect, I got loads done!

Also, there are plenty of things to look forward to:
My sister and her boyfriend are coming later today (I just made a cake). It is so rare that family visit me here, so this is special.

I bought this book recently and can't wait to read it and look at all the pictures. It is a big, heavy book, perfect for long autumn evenings...

Cumming, Laura: A Face to the World. On Self-Portraits. Harper Press, London 2009

I am off to go for a walk on the beach with a friend and her two dogs.

"When I am by the sea I feel brave, Ben once said, and Jennet knew exactly what he meant: air and sand and cold seawater all conspire to strip away the inessential, leaving behind a core that is, at least for the moment, stronger and more pure." (Kay, Francesca: An Equal Stillness, p.167 -I posted about this book recently)

So true.

Update: Spanish version

Tenía tantos planes para este fin de semana, y al final no he hecho nada...Creo que es porque quiero hibernar.
Pero estoy tratando de no sentirme culpable por estar tan infructuosa (es una pérdida de energía y te deja en un círculo vicioso). Además, como dijo un amigo mío, descansar es hacer algo -recargar sus pilas. Con respeto a esto, he logrado un montón!

Además hay muchas cosas para esperar:
Hoy vienen mi hermana y su novio (ya hice una tarta). No ocurre a menudo que mi familia me visita aquí, entonces es muy especial.

Compré el libro que veis en la foto hace poco, y tengo muchas ganas de leerlo y mirar todos los cuadros en ello. Es muy grande y pesa mucho -perfecto para estas tardes de oton~o (aún no sé cómo poner la onda encima de la 'n'). Se titula "La cara al mundo. Sobre los autorretratos". (no sé si lo he traducido bien)
Ahora me voy a pasear por la playa con una amiga y sus dos perros (bueno, ahora que escribo esto, ya es en el pasado...Lo pasamos muy bien, estaba un poco tormentoso, pero con el sol)

"Cuando estoy en la playa me siento valiente, dijo Ben una vez, y Jennet sabía lo que quería decir: el aire y la arena y el agua fría del mar todos conspiran a quitarnos lo que no sea esencial, dejando un centro de nuestro ser que es, por lo menos en ese momento, más fuerte y más puro" (Kay, Francesca: An Equal Stillness, p.167)

Bien dicho.

[por favor, decidme si he traducido algo muy mal...Gracias!]

Award! Premio!

Ok, today first in Spanish, then in English...


Pues, qué sorpresa...Fete de DEBÍA HACERLO me ha dado este premio...No lo merezco!!... GRACIAS, FETE! Fete era el primer espan~ol que visitó a mi blog, y le debo muchísimo, entre otras cosas todos vosotros! Me ha ayudado tanto, y tiene un espíritu muy bonito. Hace sólo unas semanas que le conozco, pero de todo lo que pone en su blog y sus comentarios veo que se trata de una persona maravillosa.
(Por cierto, no creo que mi blog posea mucha sabiduría, pero gracias!)

Si recibes este premio, tienes que contestar a las siguientes preguntas:

EN QUÉ ANIMAL TE REENCARNARÍAS?
una gata -es independiente, misteriosa y elegante, y hace lo que quiere
_ALGO SIN LO QUE NO PUEDES ESTAR?
saber que hay personas, cercanas y lejos, que me quieren y a las que quiero...En cuanto a cosas, el arte, la música, la literatura
_QUÉ ES LO QUE MÁS APRECIAS DE UNA PERSONA?
si tiene buen corazón y lo demuestra en su manera de ser
_SUELO VESTIR DE COLOR?
todos los colores, con excepción de colores neón
_TRES PALABRAS QUE ME DEFINAN?
sensible, creativa, impulsiva
_UN LUGAR AL QUE VIAJARÍAS?
Buenos Aires, aunque en general prefiero la tranquilidad del campo, pero muchas personas y casualidades me han sen~alado que tengo que ir allí
_TU CITA FAVORITA, DE LIBRO O PELÍCULA?
oh, tengo tantas...por ejemplo "Porque también somos lo que hemos perdido"; viene al final de la película "Amores Perros"
_ALGO QUE QUIERAS HACER?
lograr vivir en el ahora, y dejar de preocuparme del pasado y del futuro, y sin ansiedad existencial (?)
_MI MAYOR MONOSIDAD?
no sé qué significa la palabra...algo mono?

También hay que elegir siete blogs que tengan juventud y otros siete que tengan sabiduría...
Esto es difícil, porque aún no leo muchos blogs, y veo que muchos de los que leo ya han recibido este premio...y separar los de juventud y los de sabiduría, no sé... Así que simplemente voy a elegir 14 que leo y que me gustan:

-Blessings Each Day
-En la cama con ellos
-La Torre de la Escarcha
-Moonstone and Water
-Ugly Rabbit
-Narciso
-Lo que es la vida
-Good Mouse, Bad Mouse
-Heart of Light
-a cat of impossible colour
-An Apple a Day
-What Possessed Me
-Al pan pan y al vino tinto
-Secretos del corazón

Disculpad si ya lo habéis recibido...

Una cosa más: MUCHAS GRACIAS por todos vuestros comentarios en mi última entrada! Voy a contestar a todos pronto!

And now in English:

Fete of DEBÍA HACERLO has given me this award. I don't deserve it!! Thank you so much! Fete was the first Spaniard to visit my blog, and I owe him a lot, among other things all my Spanish followers!! He has helped me a lot and is a wonderful person.

If you receive this award, you have to answer the following questions:

IF YOU COULD COME BACK AS AN ANIMAL, WHICH WOULD IT BE?
A cat -independent, mysterious, elegant; they do what they want
SOMETHING YOU COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT
knowing that there are people, near and far, whom I love and who love me... In terms of "things", art, music, literature
WHAT DO YOU VALUE MOST IN ANOTHER PERSON
if they have a good heart and show it in words and actions
THE COLOURS YOU TEND TO WEAR ARE
all colours, as I love colourful clothes, except neon colours
THREE WORDS THAT DEFINE YOU
sensitive, creative, impulsive
A PLACE YOU WOULD TRAVEL TO
Buenos Aires, even though in general I prefer the countryside, but various people and coincidences are pointing me in its direction
YOUR FAVOURITE QUOTE FROM A BOOK OR MOVIE
Oh, I have so many....Here's one: "Because we are also what we have lost" -at the end of the film "Amores Perros"
SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO
be able to live in the now and stop worrying about the past and future, and without existential angst and anxiety
YOUR MAIN "MONOSIDAD" (CUTENESS ?)
I'm not sure what I am being asked here..

You are also supposed to send this on to seven "young" blogs and seven blogs of wisdom. Since a lot of the blogs I read have already received this and I don't even know that many blogs, I will just send it on to 14 blogs I like, regardless of how young or wise they are! Find the list in the Spanish part above.

Also, thank you so much for all your comments; I will reply to them soon. I think I need (yet another) early night tonight, so I probably won't do it now, but definitely tomorrow!

meme -with Spanish translation!

I was tagged by lovely Marcy of Blessings Each Day to do this meme. Thanks, Marcy! I love reading these trivia about people.

The Eight Question MEME

Six names you go by (I should say six names that I have been called in the past -really, everyone just calls me Marina):
1. MARINA
2. Mops (German for "pug" -don't ask..this is what my family used to call me. I sincerely hope I do not resemble a pug)
3. Marinita
4. Marinilla (3 & 4 when I lived in Spain)
5. fruitcake
6. Mary

Three things you are wearing right now:
These:

deliberately blurred photo

1. pinstripe pants (a rare occurrence -I usually wear skirts or dresses)
2. socks I knitted myself
3. a turquoise necklace given to me by a friend, worn as a bracelet

Three things you want very badly at the moment
1. for my cold to go away
2. to stop worrying so much
3. a hot bath!

Three things you did last night/yesterday
1. read the Sunday paper (well, so far only the magazines that come with it...)
2. had a friend over for a tea-drinking marathon
3. went to bed at 8.30pm...I'm sick, after all.. but I did read in bed.

Two things you ate today
1. muesli with yoghurt and blueberries
2. bee pollen

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. my younger sister
2. my friend R.

Two things you are going to do today/tomorrow:
1. today: have a hot bath, with essential oils and candlelight and a book (which I most likely will drop into the water) and piano music in the background!
2. tomorrow: paint!!! I have neglected it...

Your three favorite beverages:
Currently:
1. a herbal tea blend called "Tardes lluviosas" that a friend brought back from Spain -no idea what's in it, but it's gorgeous, and I love the name: "rainy afternoons"...
..and two of my all-time favourites:
2. jasmine green tea
3. wine (red, white, rosé, sparkling -I love them all...)


I am not going to tag anyone, as I am terribly indecisive. If you're reading this and want to do it,
copy and paste the questions into your blog, then delete my answers and type in yours. Send this to 5 people.

Marina x
P.S.: Regarding yesterday's post, it should all be sorted now -see comments. Thanks again, Fete!

Y en espanhol...
Meme (no sé qué es en espanhol..). Ocho preguntas.

1. Seis nombres que te llaman:
1. MARINA
2. Mops (alemán por "dogo faldero" -esto me llamaba mi familia, no sé por qué -no hay ningún parecido!)
3. Marinita
4. Marinilla (3 & 4 cuando vivía en Espanha)
5. fruitcake
6. Mary

2.Tres cosas que estás llevando en este momento:
ve la foto
1. pantalones de raya diplomática (???) (una excepción, suelo llevar faldas o vestidos)
2. calcetines que tejí
3. un collar que me regaló una amiga, llevado como pulsera

3. Tres cosas que quieres ahora mismo:
1. que no esté resfriada más
2. dejar de preocuparme tanto
3.un banho caliente

4.Tres cosas que hiciste ayer:
1. leí el periódico (bueno, hasta ahora sólo las revistas que llegan con ello los domingos...)
2. tomé demasiado té con un amigo en mi casa
3. me acosté a las ocho y media...(estoy enferma!)...pero leí un poco antes de dormirme

5. Dos cosas que comiste hoy:
1. muesli con yogur y arándanos
2.polen de las abejas

6.Las últimas dos personas con quien hablaste por teléfono
1. mi hermana menor
2. mi amiga R.

7. Dos cosas que vas a hacer hoy/manhana:
1. hoy: voy a banharme, con aceites y velas y un libro que ya sé que va a caer en el agua, y música de piano en el fondo!
2.manhana: pintar! Lo he descuidado..

8. Tus tres bebidas preferidas:
De momento:
1.una mezcla de tés que se llama "Tardes lluviosas" que me trajo una amiga de Espanha! No sé qué contiene, pero está muy buena y me encanta el nombre
..y en general:
2. té verde con jazmín
3. vino (tinto, blanco, rosé, cava, todo!)

Si queréis, participad!

Besos a todos,
Marina
P.S.: Ya he reaparecido como seguidor con foto y enlace. GRACIAS, FETE!!!

Help!

It's an overcast Sunday afternoon, and I'm at home nursing a cold. Nothing major, but my head feels as if it weighed 100 kilos, so I'm not up to much today. Thanks so much for all your recent comments -I just replied to them all. While doing that I realised that on all the blogs I follow, my profile picture doesn't come up anymore; what shows instead is the image that's there when you don't have a photo...When you click on it, my name appears, but not the link to my blog...:-(

So don't think I've gone! I'm that grey silhouette among your followers!
If anybody knows what I can do about it, please let me know; I'd be very grateful for any help.

Of course I started blogging without having done any research on it. I tend to spontaneously jump into things and only then realise what they entail. I often feel my computer dislikes me... Ok, I'm being dramatic; I know it's just a trivial matter, but still...now that this has happened, I just want to run away from it (I did search the help forums, but no luck)... I seem to have no control over this capricious blog creature.

Sorry this is only a boring post about technicalities...

The photo was taken by my aunt this summer, when she came to visit with my mom. It's the view through a stone wall on Inis Meáin, one of the Aran islands -so peaceful.

Para los espanoles: esta entrada no contiene nada interesante...pero necesito ayuda. Me he dado cuenta de que no aparece la foto de mi perfil como seguidor en vuestros blogs. Sólo aparece la imagen anónima, con mi nombre, pero sin el vínculo a mi blog. Sabéis qué puedo hacer? Muchas gracias! Besos a todos

Blue

I haven't been very active here... Thank you so much for visiting and for your comments; it means a lot to me.
I realise I keep posting older artwork here (the above is several years old), as I have been doing very little recently... Maybe I should change the bit in my profile about procrastination; it's getting a bit embarrassing, as my original plan doesn't seem to work out that well...

The days just fly by, and as I don't manage to stay up late (today is an exception...yes, 10.30pm is late for me...) there never seems to be enough time in the day.
The last few days I have been feeling a bit low as well, so that doesn't help. Yesterday something (somebody..) upset me, and unfortunately I let things affect me way too much.
As I tend to let the negative stuff dominate my thoughts in such phases, I am now trying very hard to focus on all the good things -because there are plenty of them, and I am aware that I have a good life and am very lucky and blessed.

Right now, I am grateful for

-last weekend, which I spent with my family

-good friends -today alone I talked to several of them in person, and one rang me at just the right time

-the beautiful weather yesterday -like summer! I could take off three layers of clothes (that's the way to dress in this part of the world) and soaked up the sun.

-feeling inspired in the art classes I am teaching

-a surprise present from a friend

-my lovely little place, where I actually feel at home (and where I can have hot baths -in the houses I lived in in the last few years that wasn't possible)

-having the opportunity, time and money to start my days with a swim (I am becoming addicted)

-aromatherapy (it works! I was doused in lavender oil on the flight home and was soooo relaxed). Currently loving a mix of cinnamon, orange and rosemary essential oils

-the beautiful book on self-portraits I got today

AND I am so grateful for all of you -you always brighten up my day!

Marina x

On Drawing

unfinished pencil sketch on white acrylic on canvas

When I am not drawing/painting/creating, I like to read about drawing/painting/creativity. I have always loved essays -I studied literature, and while writing essays did feel like a chore at times (we had to churn them out), I enjoyed writing them for the most part. There is something very satisfying about using your critical mind and really getting stuck into a work.
Some of my favourite books are collections of essays about art and literature (among them John Berger's and Siri Hustvedt's -beautiful writings). It is fascinating to see a work of art through someone else's eyes and accompany them on their wanderings. I am aware that too much theorizing can kill a work (or one's love of said work), but a well-written, passionate essay is in itself a work of art.

I have a collection of essays about drawing that was given to me by a friend, and reading them was a revelation -I was so happy that day! I love these moments of recognition- someone out there has managed to put into words things I have felt and never been able to express, what drawing is all about, the beauty of it...
It is awful hard to "explain" drawing, since the visual is like a completely different parallel language to the verbal language. When I teach drawing, I always struggle to find the right words when I want to tell a student why a particular line they drew is beautiful, for example.

But where was I going with this? Oh yes - I am going to post art quotes here from time to time. First up is Siri Hustvedt (and I am going to finish with this, as I am still extremely tired from my trip, and my brain isn't working):

"...I apprehend the artist's image on paper as a commmunicative act, the mute expression of something known to him or her. My perception of the lines, the shading, the figures or things or shapes is created between me and it. And what I see there is also felt, not only for its content, but as an artefact of the living hand that once moved over an empty space and has left behind the marks of that intimate encounter." (Hustvedt, Siri, " 'This Living Hand' ", Drawing Guide, The Guardian, September 2009, p.5)

Reading

I can't believe it's Saturday; the week just flew by. I haven't had time to post regularly, I'm afraid, and this is just going to be a short post to say hello and goodbye again -I am in Germany for a big party for my mom's birthday.
I arrived here yesterday, and as I had barely got any sleep (travelling at night), I spent most of the day in bed.
I love getting a new book to read on the plane/bus/train -it makes travelling so much more enjoyable. For this trip, I got Francesca Kay's An Equal Stillness. I had read several reviews praising it, and so far it doesn't disappoint.

Kay, Francesca: An Equal Stillness, Phoenix, London 2009

I devour books about art; and this mock biography of a fictional woman painter beautifully imagines her paintings and her way of looking at the world:

"...So in place of words she turned to paint. In Cornwall, that sense she had always had of a mysterious, pre-verbal power returned [...] Ultramarine blue deep, Byzantine blue, cobalt cerulean. Jennet Mallow might not have had the colours or the skills then, but she knew she could acquire them. Christening the sea and sky with their precise richnesses of colour - turquoise, azure, sapphire - was like learning a new language, one she found she loved [...] She had not dared to think of art as a way of living. But now, here, suddenly, it struck her as the only way; the only way that she could say out loud what she knew was worth the saying" (pp.20f.)

I'll be back Tuesday; have a great weekend!

Waiting for the muse...

Apologies for my absence over the last few days -I did mean to post daily; maybe that was overzealous.
Hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was much better than the previous one. I went swimming in the sea and the pool, went for walks and running, and am feeling so much better for it -I suddenly have energy! I was never a sporty person (I hated PE at school), and I still couldn't set foot in a gym or do team sports, but if it's solitary, in nature (or followed by a sauna and steamroom -hello, swimming pool), and doesn't require lots of equipment, I will do it.
I also did some baking, lots of eating, had lovely people over, went out for the first time in ages, read two books, and sat in the sun (summer came back for a day).

There was a full moon yesterday, which always affects me in myriad ways. The days leading up to it I didn't sleep well and woke way too early. But it was worth it -this is what I'd be greeted by on those early mornings:

What I did not do was draw or paint. In fact, I have done very little since the exhibition... I had all the time in the world, but something was holding me back (fear, worry, laziness, or probably all three).

The following two pictures are at least two years old. I hung them on the wall in my bedroom, as I wanted to develop that theme a bit more, and I figured that if I saw them every morning, it would serve as a reminder of that plan. But now I've been looking at them for months, and I still haven't done anything with them.

The mother-&-child theme features a lot in my work -it's just something I am drawn to, even though I don't have children. It's the warmth, gentleness, and the primal feeling of that bond between mother and child. It means protection, security, unconditional love. It is something so natural and fundamental. I cannot explain it, really; it just keeps coming up.

The crowns - I think I know where they come from. Years ago I was in a print gallery and saw this very simple print of a figure with a crown on his head. The title was "A proper heart". I think I found the title -or, I should say, the title along with that image- more beautiful than the actual print. I remember standing in that gallery and being incredibly moved by this. It stayed with me; for weeks afterwards I thought about it every day. Unfortunately I didn't take down the artist's name. Ever since then, a simple crown (not the fancy ones) has become a symbol of this elusive, beautiful thing I felt back then for me. I still cannot pinpoint it.
I was sketching the picture below, and somehow, the crown appeared. So yes, I suppose I was subconsciously copying something from that print - I prefer to call it a tribute.

I love Children's Books

One of the many disadvantages of living far away from my family is that I don't have access to our huge collection of books from our childhood. There is nothing more comforting (if tinged with sadness -ah, nostalgia!) than looking through the books you loved when you were a child. It transports you back to a time when you were happily oblivious of things like bureaucracy and other nastinesses of the adult world, and when you didn't know the meaning of existential angst.

Children's books are one of life's simple pleasures.

So, to satisfy my addiction to these mood-improving things of beauty, I am building up my own collection of children's books in my home away from home. The following is a recent addition:

Barrie, J.M., Peter Pan and Wendy, Centenary Edition, Templar, Dorking 2004

This book has been on display on my coffee table for quite a while now -I just can't get myself to put it in the bookcase. I adore Robert Ingpen's illustrations for this edition. Magic.
And royalties from every copy sold go to benefit the Great Ormond Street Hospital Children's Charity.