Stop and feed the horses (and pick the blackberries)

Last year almost every run I ventured out on was accompanied by my pedometer (it becomes addictive). Then I was getting pains in my knees and took a break from running. When I started again I did so according to the physio's instructions, alternating running and walking and taking it slowly. After a while I tried running with no walking breaks, and my knees were fine. So I thought I could get serious again, and I remembered the pedometer. But its battery had died, and I haven't replaced it yet.

I live in one of the most beautiful landscapes in the world. My neighbourhood is a Tolkienesque wonderland with horses, donkeys, cows and dogs, and I do appreciate it every single day, but you are able to take in so much more when you are not racing along the paths and bogroads at great speed. Running sans pedometer has made me slow down again, and instead of focusing on times and kilometers, I have been on long walks with a bit of running in between and vice versa.

This year the blackberries are in abundance, and we have been picking them everywhere we spot them.  Last week I picked some during one such run-walk. Some runners attach weights to their wrists; little bags full of blackberries aren't that different (and they didn't turn into jam from all the bouncing). I watched caterpillars cross the road and said hello to the horses. I got lost on purpose. The endless chatter in my mind was turned off.

The endorphins and the feeling of accomplishment after a long sweaty run are hard to beat, but at the moment I prefer the quieter contentment of my random approach to exercise.

Indoors, outdoors

 

 

Indoors: In order to remember to do the exercises for my knees and some yoga and meditation every day, I now leave a pillow on the yoga mat as a visual reminder. I can see it from the main room (I leave all the doors open most of the time and my house is very small), so there is no way around it. I also need it for some of the exercises. When I am finished I put the pillow back on the spare bed. So far this works. Once I get used to the sight of the pillow on the floor, this may change.

I am rereading To the Lighthouse (while standing on one leg, for instance - this isn't just for the photo) and enjoyed the two introductions in this edition, particularly Eavan Boland's. "Perhaps most importantly, the lighthouse is at the service of the beautiful, insistent subjectivity which Mrs Ramsay turns on it in the first chapters, thereby including herself in the wider project of the book itself - diminishing a reality by uncovering a truth:..." (Woolf, Virginia: To the Lighthouse, Vintage, London 2004, p. xiv).

My early-morning-climbing-back-into-bed-for-half-an-hour* book is Toby Young's How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, a successful book about failure, to paraphrase Nicholas Lezard. It is very entertaining with hilarious glimpses into the vainglorious world of Condé Nast and helpful in my endeavour to be more carefree and worry less - there is something cathartic about reading Young's cringe-inducing account of his time in New York. I suffer from excessive Fremdschaemen (being embarrassed on behalf of someone else), so I am probably way too involved when reading this, but it may give me a thicker skin for my own awkward moments.

Outdoors: More growing and an explosion of colours, and the trees are finally in bloom, too, if somewhat tentatively. I have been given the go-ahead to try running again, starting with 15 minutes, three of which to be walked, but due to a chesty cough I haven't done it yet. But I have been going for walks and getting lots of sun whenever it is out.

*a new habit

The small stuff

 

So many times my low mood, whatever its cause, improves drastically when I tackle things I have been transferring from week to week in my diary for so long that re-writing them has become almost automatic. I finally took the first step (no pun intended) to get my knee sorted. This has triggered more to worry about - how am I going to pay for it, and just how wrong has my body been holding itself, unbeknownst to me? -, but at least I have taken action. And of course it could be far worse. The appointment was followed by a well-deserved café break to take refuge from the rain. 

The problem with not running is that my brain manufactures this twisted logic that since I cannot run, I won't endeavour to be healthy and fit in other ways, as there is just no point, which explains all the bready things I have been eating. I think the only reason I am still skinny is that I have so much nervous energy. On Saturday I drove past at least twenty joggers within five minutes, all sent by the universe to mock me, of course. I let this mixed with other worries get me down, until the ridiculousness of it all hit me and I resolved to get back on track with exercise. There is a lot you can do, even with patellofemoral pain syndrome.

Posting a letter always makes me feel accomplished. It sounds pathetic, but I feel so much more together once the letter has slipped through the letterbox. These days I make seals for the envelopes with bits of patterned paper - wallpaper ads in magazines often have little squares like the one above, or I cut them out from other sources. I collect them in a Moleskine pocket memo portfolio, and the collecting and cutting out and matching colours has become a relaxing way to spend a few minutes; I love patterns.

Anything to do with gardening tends to take forever in my world, as if the garden centre were hundreds of miles away instead of ten minutes. Right now I am hoping the extreme rain from last week that made the crocuses sit in a pool of water won't be repeated for a while, so I can figure out a drainage system (I didn't drill holes before putting in the soil).

I have resigned myself to the fact that I am one of those people who easily get overwhelmed by life, including trivial stuff. It's a HSP trait. But the cure to feeling frazzled often lies in doing all the small tasks that make me feel like a functioning human being again. And now I am going to drop off a painting that has been sitting in my car for weeks now...

Temporarily sedentary

One more week, and then one of the busiest times of the year will be over. I love working in the arts, but I am looking forward to having actual food in my fridge again and not just eye cream and a plate with acrylic paint (storing leftover acrylics in the fridge makes them last for days when usually they would dry straight away). 

This year I am exhibiting as part of the festival we are organising. It has made me go back to painting and colour after working on black-and-white illustrations, and while I will always love drawing and don't think of it as inferior to painting, I am enjoying the tactile quality and creaminess of working with paints so much I want to go out and paint murals. (I won't. I do tend to work in rather small formats.)

Today was the first time in weeks that I walked for the sake of walking, under a blue sky after days of apocalyptic weather. I want to run a half marathon in May or July, on Inishbofin or Achill - I am still undecided -, but I haven't been for a run since I got back from Germany. At least it is good to know that I crave exercise. 

One early morning this week I had a decadent bath with rosemary oil instead of a shower before going to work, because my muscles ached from doing nothing. I am usually an evening bath person, but I have a feeling there will be more morning baths from now on. 

Making...

...things for a Christmas stall...

 

...bread (though I want to eat less stodgy food)...

 ... artwork - revisiting/layering in this case (realising just how versatile watersoluble coloured pencils are)...

...time: for people, for running (my new rule is: if I am at home and conditions are acceptable - no horizontal rain! - and I am not expecting anyone, I go for a run, no matter how busy I think I am. The hour it takes up I get back through increased energy and clarity.)

Dogs, kids, birds, berets

 tiny dog, huge shadow 

berets - knitted earlier this year

 

 hooded

 acrylic birds

I don't have a dog and I don't have children, but last weekend I was given one of the former and two of the latter on loan. I got no painting done (the kids did - eight paintings between them in less than half an hour; they are very prolific), but I did get out of my head, which is just as valuable. 

Then Monday came and I spent it very much in my own head, so much so that I took to bed to make it stop. I know spending time with children and animals isn't the only way to feel grounded, but left to my own devices I often sabotage myself and don't do what I know would be good for me while fully aware of how I am blocking my wellbeing. 

There have been some blue-sky days, but mostly it has been typical November weather, wet and windy, and I haven't been out for a run or a swim in over two weeks. The last three days I didn't get home until after 8pm, and running in the dark doesn't appeal to me either. I shouldn't blame the weather and lack of daylight, though - dedicated people don't let these things deter them. Last night I saw a runner with a headlamp dodging puddles. It is possible, and I really need to be in my body more.

Crafting also takes me out of my head - it does leave plenty of space to think (so does exercise, but even if running sometimes stimulates my brain too much, at the end I always get that rush of endorphins that dissolves whatever was going on in my head), but for some reason the thoughts I have while engaged in crafting are of a less obsessive, less negative nature. It seems to sedate you. I am enjoying knitting round things at the moment - the sense that there is no beginning and no end; it just goes round and round... mesmerisingly absorbing.

Coming home for Christmas

 Santas running - in Ireland, not Germany

I arrived in Germany on Sunday. I come here twice a year for three or four weeks. It always feels strange coming home to my old home, and then also going back home to Ireland. I would prefer to see my family more times during the year even if that meant shorter visits, but this makes more sense, and I am so grateful I can do it.

The reason I am able to spend such large chunks of time here is because my work in the college is not full-time. Which doesn't mean that I don't work while I am here - there are commissions and then my own work, and with so much time on my hands I am able to dedicate several hours a day to creating. And with my laptop I can work from anywhere in the world. So far I haven't done any work, though; it always takes me a few days to settle in.

I got a bad cold just before I left Ireland (just when it had struck me that I hadn't had a single cold all year), so the journey was a bit miserable, but I wore lots of layers (being stuck in an airport last year taught me to wear more clothes), and the lavender oil I always carry with me helped me to sleep a bit on the plane - I rub it on my temples, the back of my neck and my wrists and it becomes a protective cocoon of calm.

We had snow on Tuesday, but now it is just wet. Yesterday I wrapped up and went for a half-hour run, and it was actually perfect running weather - I didn't mind the rain at all. Until I realised that there's a huge hole in one of my trainers. No wonder, they must be at least five years old - I left them here when I was about to get new ones in Ireland. The years go by so fast and whenever I come back here it hits me that both people and things have got older.

So once Christmas is over I will buy a new pair of trainers and leave them at my mum's house. Since I spend so much time here I figured it is easier to just get certain items twice and leave one here, especially when it comes to running gear, cosmetics and art materials. It has taken me all this time to establish some sort of routine. In the past travelling was always haphazard and chaotic. I must admit, I have been doing this for nine years -I moved to Ireland in 2002-, but only recently have I started to find ways to make it all go more smoothly. I guess I never thought about it much, but now I like to have certain routines so I can focus on the important things.

I wish I could just travel with hand luggage and be free, and I am getting closer to that ideal: this time my suitcase was five kg lighter than in the summer, and this was with heavier winter clothes and including presents! I did bring books, the ones I am currently reading, even though there is no need really, as my mum's house is full of books, so there is no shortage of reading material and unexpected discoveries.

I have come home to huge soft square pillows (Matt reckons this is a German thing), Christmas cookies, Lebkuchen and Stollen, the darker, melancholy landscape with dense fairytale forests and creeks, and precious time with my family. Every visit I appreciate it more.

On my mind

Saturday reading... I like how my name slipped into this photo - didn't notice when I took it!

...Running.

I am just back from a perfect run (the type that feels like flying; I didn't have to stop and walk, no side stitches, almost no effort). Now I am letting a hair mask of coconut oil with eucalyptus do its wonders before I shower, taking advantage of the fact that my head is steaming after the run, and heat and hair masks go together (keeping the heat in with a shower cap).

I finally got Haruki Murakami's book about running. After scanning the Memoir section in the bookshop, I found it in the Sports section - in my opinion it belongs in both. I have only started reading it, but am loving it already and would have bought it for the foreword alone ("Just a book in which I ponder various things and think out loud").

The above is a sketch I did for a mental health project that asked people what they do to build their resilience. I chose running by the sea, and, after fretting about it for a while, I just went for a literal illustration - runners, shells, sand, water. I find being close to the sea healing and getting sweaty cathartic, and combining running and the sea is a cure for everything, and I am only exaggerating a little bit!

This morning I had to persuade myself to go for a run, and I am so glad I did. When I'm feeling lazy I just have to remember that I always feel better after a run, physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't have a strict timetable for exercise: The swimming part is easy; it gets incorporated into my workday. With running I try to aim for three times a week, but my general "rule" is, especially in the colder months, if the weather is nice and I have time, I go for a run, no excuses. On wet and windy days I don't feel bad if I don't go. November is still very kind (with an interlude of flooding rain on Thursday), and it has been easy to get Vitamin D and exercise. I hope I'll stick to my routine.

Sloe progress

I love the taste, but making sloe gin is also aesthetically pleasing. Whenever I go to Matt's place now, the first thing I do is take a picture or two of the gin. It changes every day and makes me want to get out my watercolours. I am sure it will keep me entertained for the months it'll take to infuse.

 November has been quite mild so far. We had two cloudless days in a row and I went running on both and realised that for me the weather plays a huge part when it comes to exercise. Those two days I wanted to run so badly, it was all I could think about when I woke up. I admire those runners who do not let the weather deter them. Running in the rain (gentle rain) is fine and can be exhilarating, but throw in strong wind, and I chicken out - running against the wind gives me headaches and leaves me feeling exhausted. There are gale-force winds right now, so I am not sure my running gear will make an appearance this weekend, but that's okay. When I didn't run or swim this week I walked, walked, and walked, to soak up as much sun as possible, so a weekend of rest sounds tempting.

Current obsessions

1. Late evening novel-reading and knitting (not simultaneously). It's a good thing I love this yarn so much, as this is attempt number 3 after two unravellings... I guess it's all about the journey.

2. Coconut water (diluted with water, because I am poor - this stuff is not cheap) after a run. Maybe it's just a fad and a placebo effect, but I really feel better rehydrated when I drink this. My coconut obsession knows no end (I drink this, I use coconut oil in food and on my hair and skin, shredded coconut in various recipes) - I should be half coconut by now.

3. Soft legwear. I don't like it when tights come up to your armpits or cut into your stomach. In the spring and autumn I tend to wear stockings, as I find them more comfortable, but winter calls for complete coverage (though I also own a pair of wool stockings - they might work with a heavy coat). I also don't like hosiery that feels like plastic. Life is too short. I found these extremely soft viscose-based tights and have been living in them. I can wear them all day, whereas with other tights I often have the urge to take them off as soon as I get home. I used to have all kinds of crazy colours, but at the moment I like greys a lot, and they work better with colourful dresses.

Cats, running, writing... Haruki Murakami

 Haruki Murakami on the cover of The Sunday Times Culture magazine

"I like to read books. I like to listen to music. I collect records. And cats. I don't have any cats right now. But if I'm taking a walk and I see a cat, I'm happy." 

(Haruki Murakami in an interview in The Guardian Weekend magazine, 15/10/2011, p.41)

So far I have only read one of Haruki Murakami's books, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (Norwegian Wood has been sitting in my bookcase for years, and I still haven't read it), which I did enjoy, but not in the way that would make me hunt for all his other books. However, I am fascinated by the man himself and read every interview with him with great interest. At the moment there is no shortage of them, as he has a new book out. I love reading an author's thoughts about a work of fiction, even when I haven't read the novel itself (yet), and getting a glimpse into their life, how art and life are interwoven.

Before I read any of his other novels, I want to get his recent-ish memoir What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. He runs every day. And writes every day. I admire his discipline. He is Japan's most acclaimed novelist, yet he has managed to remain humble and live quite a simple life. When the memoir first came out, I put it on my reading list but didn't rush out to buy it. Now that running has become such an important part of my life, I am curious to learn what he has to say about it. And of course it is about so much more than running itself.

Greener grass?

 running, weekend papers

Going out with an astronomer means regularly being abandoned when he goes to look at stars (though he doesn't do that much these days) or on mini-holidays to attend conferences all over the world. This week, while he was away, I moved into his apartment, which is sort of in the city. It was like staying in a hotel, because he has the biggest bed I have ever seen (I have a double bed and consider that a luxury - I like sleeping diagonally -, but there are HUGE beds out there), and simply by staying somewhere else you break up your routine and see the world in a different way.

I brought my running gear and went running on the prom every morning at around 8am. It was so easy to do. When I am at home, I usually don't go running until mid-morning, if not in the afternoon, as I can't face it first thing in the morning, but staying at Matt's place I bounced out of bed wanting to go for a run. In The Art of Effortless Living, the author gives various examples of sports people and how they can maximise their potential by letting go, being less tense and relaxing into the activity, like having a wave carry you. While I was running on the prom, it occurred to me that it helped to hear actual waves crashing directly beside me. My house is really close to the sea, but the seashore is all rocks and I have to either drive to get to the nearest beach or do a very long run, so I go running on the bog roads instead. On the prom I can run at the edge of the water, with amazing views of sunlight filtering through the clouds onto the surface of the sea. I must do that more often.

It was also nice to be so close to everything for a change and get a break from the car. I even caught myself thinking that maybe being closer to the city would make my life easier. Even though I don't get annoyed when stuck in traffic (I make the most of it by listening to nice programmes, focusing on my breathing and doing, ahem, pelvic floor exercises...) and even almost enjoy my - admittedly short enough- commute (it's driving by the sea, like in car adverts!), once I have made it home I am unlikely and unwilling to go back into town later that day, so I can't be very spontaneous.

But this morning it felt good to get back to my house. We tend to want what we don't have. When I got home, I was reminded of all the reasons I chose to live here, the space and peace and quiet. I am instantly calmer when I leave the city. I love the ruralness of this place.
So now I am home and making my way through the papers from the last three weekends, cutting out interesting stuff. I baked a lemon cake (this cake I made recently minus the berries) and had a slice with my neighbour, who is 77 and doing a computer course and climbing mountains. Moving to this little house was one of the best decisions I have made, and now that cohabitation might be in the not-so-distant future, along with all the excitement that this change will bring, I am squeezing out every last drop of joy out of every minute I have left living on my own, in this corner of the world.

The health list

This year I have been in better health than last year and the year before, when I was sick every few weeks. My body seemed to pick one area, and I would keep getting the same thing all the time. It used to be my throat (tonsillitis); more recently it's been my kidneys.
While I have had a few issues this year, overall it is far less frequent and less severe than before. I also used to get colds constantly, but have only had one since Christmas.
There may be a huge number of reasons why my health has improved. I certainly believe in the body-mind connection and that physical illness is often a result of psychological imbalance. There is far less drama in my life right now than even a few months ago. I keep stress levels down through meditation and yoga. I try to be kinder to myself. But I also think I have changed some more tangible things, especially diet-wise, and these are what I want to focus on here, as I usually always talk about the mental health stuff.

I am hesitant to list what seems to work for me, because the irrational part of me believes bad things will happen as a result (because clearly that's how the world works...), but here we go (please note these are just my personal observations and not definitive):

- Taking probiotics. All the antibiotics I was on played havoc with my body. I have been taking these probiotics for a few weeks now, and notice an improvement. (I used to just get acidophilus, but then I did my research and apparently you need different strains of probiotics for different problems)

- Eating more ginger. In soups, in hot water, in any dish that I think it will work in (some people would disagree...). Ginger helps with all kinds of ailments, both as a cure and preventative measure, from colds to headaches and period pains.

- taking cranberry capsules (because of all the urinary tract infections). I don't like taking supplements and try to get everything I need in my diet, but this is an exception. Cranberry does not cure an existing infection, but can prevent them. The ones I take also have lots of Vitamin C

- using coconut oil (my newest obsession) for everything. A tablespoonful in porridge or hot muesli (...I eat muesli hot), and for cooking instead of other oils (though I still use olive oil, too). It is supposed to provide an instant energy boost and to be antibacterial, antiviral and antifungal and boost the immune system.

- Sauna and steam room. The cure for everything, in my opinion. When I feel cold and miserable this is where I go. My friend's doctor advised him to be cautious in the steam room, though, as bacteria flourish in warm moist places. If somebody is in there coughing, get out.

- Running and swimming. Regular exercise makes you less susceptible to illness.

- Propolis drops and bee pollen. I take the drops when I feel I might come down with something (they are a natural antibiotic and immune system booster) and eat two teaspoons of pollen every day.

- Huge amounts of green foods, which are great in so many ways. Until this year I had never had spinach for breakfast, but now it's a weekend staple. I love spinach, so that helps. I would eat spinach as a side dish with just about everything. 

- Lots of raw food. Harder to do now that we're approaching winter. I notice I feel much more energetic and my skin is better when I have a big portion of raw vegetables every day.

- Quinoa and millet instead of pasta and rice as often as possible. They are packed with nutrients, gluten-free and actually taste great, too.

- Less sugar. I experimented with giving it up completely, and it's easier than I thought to eliminate it, but I love baking, and when I bake, I inevitably eat some of the end product, and I love chocolate, and I don't want to be a spoilsport-healthfreak in social situations, so the answer for me at the moment is that a bit of sugar is ok

- Baths with Epsom salts to detoxify (and for a magnesium boost)

Also important: not to be too fanatical about any of the above. There are still days when I don't eat anything green, but instead cake for dinner, and that doesn't mean it's all in vain.

Walking, running, driving

This morning I went for a three-hour walk with my 77-year-old friend and neighbour (instigated by her). In the end my 27-year-old legs hurt, but in a good way. I want to be like her when I am 77. She doesn't look her age at all. She regularly gets a great haircut (and dyes her hair herself), her walking outfits are far more fancy than mine (MBT shoes), she has great skin and a wicked sense of humour.
We walked places I had never been before, on bog roads and with beautiful sea views. I only brought my house key, and it felt great not to have a mobile phone and money on me and not to think about the time.

I also did a lot of walking over the weekend. I met my friends and their cute dog for an 8am Sunday morning run/stroll by the river, and in the end we went to a running track nearby. It was so soft and made me reconsider my usual route, which starts outside my door and is mainly on tarmac. I love running in the woods and on the beach, but the great thing about my round is that I don't have to get in the car and it requires less planning. Maybe I'll aim for one or two soft-ground runs each week.

The day before a friend and I went for a drive that ended in a cul-de-sac in the middle of nowhere. I like middles of nowhere. From there we could see Galway across the water:

cul-de-sac four-legged

After all that walking I know I'll sleep well tonight! Then again, I've never had any problems sleeping... (speaking of sleeping: The last few nights I slept like a baby, which may be due to all the fresh air and activity, but I also made sure my phone was switched off and believe it has made a difference. We do not yet know the effects of sleeping directly beside a mobile phone. I used to forget to switch mine off and kept it on my bedside table, as I have neither a watch nor a clock, and a lot of people seem to do that, but it could be very bad for us).
I really want to keep up the walking, in addition to the running; it makes me a better person (at least less cranky)!